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the chimp under arrest for mutiny and insurrection. The chimp elects to act as his own lawyer. He is convicted and condemned to be ejected into the icy vacuum of space. The sentence is carried out in a slightly amusing sendup of Billy Budd . Seeing their fellow primate being chucked out of the airlock, the space monkeys blow up the station. Fade to theme music.
    I sit in silence for a moment, while Gary looks at me expectantly.
    â€œWell?” he says finally. “Pretty great, right?”
    I’m not sure what to say to that.
    â€œWas that the last episode?”
    He looks at me like I’ve just grown an extra head.
    â€œWhat? No. No, why would you think that? SpaceLab has been running since I was in high school. This is actually one of the older episodes.”
    â€œDidn’t they just blow up the space station? That’s a tough one to recover from, isn’t it?”
    He smiles.
    â€œOh, that? No, they do that every episode.”
    I stare at him. He just keeps smiling.
    â€œSpace monkeys blow up the station every episode?”
    â€œWell, no,” he says. “It’s not always space monkeys. Sometimes it’s terrorists or aliens or God. Usually it’s one of the crew, though.”
    â€œUh-­huh. Tell me again what that was satirizing?”
    â€œWell, this episode was a parody of a nineteenth-­century novel called Billy Budd .”
    I roll my eyes.
    â€œOnly the last ninety seconds of that mess we just watched have any relationship whatsoever to Billy Budd .”
    The arms are crossed again, and now he’s the one scowling. It’s a lot less impressive on his flat little face, but still. Time to backtrack.
    â€œLook,” I say. “Maybe SpaceLab is an acquired taste. You said yourself that you’ve been watching this since you were in school. This was my first time. I might appreciate it better after I have a little more exposure.”
    That perks him up again.
    â€œSo you want to watch another clip?”
    â€œBaby steps, Gary. Baby steps.”
    â€œRight,” he says. “Sorry.”
    There’s another long pause. Gary starts fidgeting, and I realize that if I don’t say something soon, I’m liable to wind up watching something even more asinine than SpaceLab .
    â€œSo,” I say. “How long have you known Anders?”
    He shrugs.
    â€œI dunno. Five years? I sat in on a class he was teaching at Hopkins. I needed a lot of help getting through the course, and he needed a lot of help with not being a starving hobo. So, here we are.”
    â€œWhat was the class?”
    He drains the last of his drink.
    â€œIntro to nanotech. That’s why I had so much trouble. Not really my thing. I’m more of a virtual systems guy. Having to deal with actual physical laws is a gigantic pain in the ass.”
    â€œNano, huh? Is that what Anders does?”
    Gary laughs.
    â€œWell,” he says. “ does is a very strong word. He showed me his thesis once, and ‘nano’ was definitely in the title, so I guess he knows something about it. But if he actually did nanotech, I’d be getting rent out of him a little more regularly. What he does is talk about nanotech to classes full of bored rich kids. Not the same thing, and very much less rewarding.”
    â€œYeah,” I say. “He told me he’s a professor.”
    Gary laughs again, harder.
    â€œA professor? Oh honey, no. No, no, no. Anders wishes he was a professor. Anders has gooey wet dreams about becoming a professor, but Anders is definitely not a professor. Anders is an instructor. A part-­time instructor. Professor is to instructor as burger crew chief is to nugget fryer, and instructor is to part-­time instructor as nugget fryer is to the guy the nugget fryer gets to cover for him while he goes out and takes a hit behind the Dumpster. That’s Anders—­the substitute nugget fryer of the academic world.”
    Apparently