the forearm.
âI didnât think you got the quote earlier.â
âRight,â I said. âYou didnât think I knew Ghostbusters ?â
âWell, youâd be surprised.â
âIt helps to know films when you want to be a screenwriter.â
âWhat do you mean you want to be a screenwriter?â
âI mean I hope to make a living writing films someday.â
âSo you havenât written anything yet?â
âWell, yeah. I finished one a couple of months ago. Butââ
âIâd say if youâve written a screenplay, that already makes you a screenwriter, doesnât it?â
This made me smile. How could it not?
âAnd what do you want to be when you grow up, my dear?â
âI always wanted to be an eye doctor,â Gloria said. âThatâs why Iâm majoring in economics.â
âBut all an eye doctor does is sit behind that big robot-looking machine going: One or two? One or two? Is this better? Or this?â
âI know, right? But Iâm such a sucker for blue eyes. Iâd love to get paid to look at them all day long.â
âLook at them? Or shoot air into them? Thatâs the part I hate the worst, the glaucoma test. âReady? Donât flinch!ââ
âAnd then you sit there in a dead panic.â
âWaiting.â
âLike, âHey. Stand real still while I swing this bat at your kneecaps.ââ
âSo what youâre saying is youâre a sadist.â
Gloria leaned close as she whispered into my ear. Her breath tickled the little hairs there.
âShhh,â she said. âThatâs a secret, dear.â
The thing is, when youâre busy falling in love, you donât imagine what it will be like twelve years later, when you spend your Sunday afternoons in different rooms doing different things. Thereâs a reason love stories are written about the chase and not what comes after. Because what comes after is wordlessly gathering the trash while your wife unloads the dishwasher. Itâs putting away laundry while she makes dinner. And anymore Gloria never prepares the simple and hearty meals of our twentiesâlike spaghetti and meatballs, or fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Itâs always gourmet-style these days. Two nights ago we had braised lamb over a bed of rice and greens to garnish. Today itâs marinated tuna. Which is all great, but maybe tomorrow Iâll come home from work early and surprise her with something old school, like Hamburger Helper. I love Hamburger Helper.
Iâm in the closet, hanging up clothes, when my phone vibrates in my back pocket. Itâs a text message from my friend Sophia.
Call back on Friday not so good. Casting director was a bitch and I think she hated me. I fucked up the word ârear.â Howâs your weekend?
I canât remember if Iâve told you about Sophia yet. Lately I get confused about what has transpired and what is yet to happen, so skip the next paragraph if I already mentioned this.
Sophia is an aspiring actress who lives in Los Angeles. I actually met her on Facebook, and in fact sheâs the very first online person I ever became friends with in the real world. By real world I mean we talk on the phone all the time. Sheâs one of the wittiest and most intelligent people I know, hilarious and in touch with pop culture the way few people are. Unfortunately, of all the things Sophia has going for her, the one thing she cannot claim is the prototypical Hollywood look, and despite everything else, lacking that one attribute has made it difficult for her to find steady work. She is somewhat overweight and a bitâ¦wellâ¦homely. I feel terrible saying that, but itâs the truth.
I write back:
Bit of a weird weekend. Iâll tell you about it tomorrow. Sorry about the call back. Iâm sure the casting director didnât hate you. Drama queen. ;-)
Then I go