Read Thomas World for Free Online Page A

prepared witty things to say and made sure their hair was styled just so and walked with their shoulders thrown back. Yet here she was, looking right at me, having appeared from nowhere, while I was in the process of shoving a yellow rectangle of manufactured cake into my mouth. I couldn’t imagine what she might say.
    What she said was, “That’s a big Twinkie.”
    I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help myself. I was so embarrassed and waiting for her to cut me at the knees, and the last thing I expected her to do was quote Ghostbusters .
    â€œIt is,” I said with a smile. “You want some?”
    â€œAbsolutely. I love a man who knows how to cook.”
    I broke the makeshift Twinkie in half and handed her one of the pieces. She shoved the entire thing in her mouth. It was basically a whole regular Twinkie and she really had to force it in there.
    â€œYour turn,” she mumbled.
    While I was chewing my Twinkie, the girl stuck out her hand and introduced herself. Her voice was barely intelligible. Mine, too.
    â€œI’m Gloria.”
    â€œThomas.”
    She smiled. I smiled back. There was no trace of the awkwardness that had overcome me just moments before, and I felt strangely like I already knew her. I don’t mean in the fleeting, déjà vu sense. It was like our easy laughter was the result of having known each other for years, for real…even though clearly I had just met her. And while I tried to reconcile this apparent paradox, chewing my Twinkie, Gloria smiled again and walked away, disappearing into a throng of partygoers in the adjacent room. It was too late to stop her. By the time I swallowed the Twinkie she was just a memory, and I was devastated. Here was a funny, gorgeous girl who was sharp enough to quote one of my favorite films, who apparently had found me funny as well, and I let her walk away without asking for her number.
    After standing there like an idiot, waiting in vain for her to come back, I poured myself a Jack and Coke and wandered onto the back lawn of the fraternity house. I don’t know about you but I never pledged. Supposedly Greek students had a lot more sex than us civilians, but even so it wasn’t for me. Whenever I met someone from a fraternity—these dudes always had names like Scooter and Trey—they always seemed like they were barely literate, and their only point of going to college was to get pussy. Which, yes, that’s a big part of why you go to college, but there are enough single girls in school that any guy ought to be able to score without being part of a club.
    I walked around the back lawn, pretending to mind my own business, but of course I was looking for Gloria. I couldn’t find her. There were too many people drinking and smoking and pretending they didn’t want to fuck each other. I myself had been drinking steadily all night, and I was ready to break the seal on my bladder, so I went back inside. By the time I found a bathroom I was desperate. The door was closed but mercifully there wasn’t a line. I could hear someone flushing and rinsing, so I waited for the door to open. But then I heard another flush, and another one, and in between there may have been some heaving. The door didn’t open.
    My legs were doing an involuntary dance, you know the one, and just when I decided to look for another bathroom, someone approached. I turned around and it was Gloria. Believe it or not. She had a big grin on her face, and again there was no one else around. The moment called for me to say something epic.
    â€œI am the Keymaster!” is what I said, which maybe was meaningful and maybe not, but for sure it was another famous line from Ghostbusters .
    Gloria smiled even more broadly then, the kind of smile you see on a woman only when you’ve really pleased her.
    â€œI am the Gatekeeper!” she replied.
    And maybe it was just the alcohol, but it felt significant when she touched me on