donât come to this part of the building. We have to go downstairs and see them in this nice little room where everything is so pleasant and perfect that you would think we were at some upscale university instead of a pseudo-guesthouse for messed-up dieters.
I didnât really think that guys did the whole anorexia/bulimia thing. But Iâm pretty sure everyone is here for the same reason. Oh, thatâs what they call it, by the way. Anorexia nervosa. Supposedly I have it. Sounds like an Italian opera singer. I canât even sing! We learned about it in health class and I read about it on the Internet back in the good old days when I could still communicate with the outside world. Half the celebrities out there supposedly have it too. I canât believe they think I have some loony-tune disease just because I donât want to be fat! I am not starving myself. I donât have some big emotional issue here. But try telling that to the dumb-assdoctors and so-called counselors. Now theyâve decided I have âbulimicâ tendencies too because I got rid of the stupid protein shake and was dumb enough to get caught. They think thereâs something wrong with getting rid of something thatâs going to harm your body. They think Iâm self-destructive. I think itâs practical. I think it means I care about my body. I think Iâm self-
con
structive.
I wonder if heâll talk to me?
chapter 6
After the chalet trip I got kind of into the whole routine of cutting out food and showing off my willpower. I got used to going without desserts and snacks pretty quickly, and I liked the way it felt. I started reading about diets in magazines. It wasnât hard to find information. Every single magazine in existence that had a female on the cover seemed to headline fifteen different ways to lose ten pounds. There was an ad on every second page that made great promises to help anyone lose any amount of weight they wanted to. Pop-up ads invaded the Internet every few seconds advertising all of the same things. You could definitely tell that the people in the âafterâ pictures were a lot happier than the fat slobs in the âbeforeâ pictures.
I started cutting out other stuff and counting calories. My family didnât really seem to notice much so I kept on doing it. Breakfast and lunch were always fly-by meals and supper was a family deal where everyone was always talking and serving themselves. No one paid much attention to what anyone else was eating. My parents were pretty into the whole good nutritionbit and there wasnât too much junk food floating around our house anyway, so it wasnât really all that hard to cut back. By the summer I could tell that something was changing. My clothes seemed a little looser and I had to buy a belt to hold up the jean shorts that had fit me the year before. It was kind of a cool feeling and I started trying to figure out ways to lose more weight faster.
Annie and I didnât usually spend the summers together. She had this big family cottage out west and all of her relatives spent most of the summer there. Itâs kind of interesting, actually. Annieâs great-great-grandparents on her dadâs side came here from Japan and settled on the west coast years and years ago. During the Second World War, her great-grandparents and two of her grandparents were put in one of those internment camps. I never knew about it until we were studying it in history and Annie told me the story. It made it all so real and so sad. Her grandmother came to school one time when she was here on a visit and talked to the class. She didnât really remember much because she was so little when she was there, but she had some of her familyâs memories mixed in with her own and the stories were amazing. I couldnât believe how strong they all were and how they went on with their lives and kept on building their family in this country after
I didnât really think that guys did the whole anorexia/bulimia thing. But Iâm pretty sure everyone is here for the same reason. Oh, thatâs what they call it, by the way. Anorexia nervosa. Supposedly I have it. Sounds like an Italian opera singer. I canât even sing! We learned about it in health class and I read about it on the Internet back in the good old days when I could still communicate with the outside world. Half the celebrities out there supposedly have it too. I canât believe they think I have some loony-tune disease just because I donât want to be fat! I am not starving myself. I donât have some big emotional issue here. But try telling that to the dumb-assdoctors and so-called counselors. Now theyâve decided I have âbulimicâ tendencies too because I got rid of the stupid protein shake and was dumb enough to get caught. They think thereâs something wrong with getting rid of something thatâs going to harm your body. They think Iâm self-destructive. I think itâs practical. I think it means I care about my body. I think Iâm self-
con
structive.
I wonder if heâll talk to me?
chapter 6
After the chalet trip I got kind of into the whole routine of cutting out food and showing off my willpower. I got used to going without desserts and snacks pretty quickly, and I liked the way it felt. I started reading about diets in magazines. It wasnât hard to find information. Every single magazine in existence that had a female on the cover seemed to headline fifteen different ways to lose ten pounds. There was an ad on every second page that made great promises to help anyone lose any amount of weight they wanted to. Pop-up ads invaded the Internet every few seconds advertising all of the same things. You could definitely tell that the people in the âafterâ pictures were a lot happier than the fat slobs in the âbeforeâ pictures.
I started cutting out other stuff and counting calories. My family didnât really seem to notice much so I kept on doing it. Breakfast and lunch were always fly-by meals and supper was a family deal where everyone was always talking and serving themselves. No one paid much attention to what anyone else was eating. My parents were pretty into the whole good nutritionbit and there wasnât too much junk food floating around our house anyway, so it wasnât really all that hard to cut back. By the summer I could tell that something was changing. My clothes seemed a little looser and I had to buy a belt to hold up the jean shorts that had fit me the year before. It was kind of a cool feeling and I started trying to figure out ways to lose more weight faster.
Annie and I didnât usually spend the summers together. She had this big family cottage out west and all of her relatives spent most of the summer there. Itâs kind of interesting, actually. Annieâs great-great-grandparents on her dadâs side came here from Japan and settled on the west coast years and years ago. During the Second World War, her great-grandparents and two of her grandparents were put in one of those internment camps. I never knew about it until we were studying it in history and Annie told me the story. It made it all so real and so sad. Her grandmother came to school one time when she was here on a visit and talked to the class. She didnât really remember much because she was so little when she was there, but she had some of her familyâs memories mixed in with her own and the stories were amazing. I couldnât believe how strong they all were and how they went on with their lives and kept on building their family in this country after
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