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if I tried that today, we’d both know it was a lie.
    “I had them call you now,” I managed.
    “Better late than never,” he said in that clipped, succinct way of his.
    Then without waiting for a by-your-leave, he scooped me up and took me back to the dorm.
    He’d skipped classes for two days to take care of me.
    He’d made me tea and canned soup. He’d even let me pick the television shows.
    All that was sweet, but while I couldn’t remember what we’d watched or what kind of soup he’d made, I remembered that he’d been there the whole time. He’d stayed with me.
    I realized the nurse was waiting for me to respond to her question about calling someone.
    “No, thank you. But you’re right, I should make some calls. Thank you.” The words slipped out again as I turned my back on her and looked at this new room.
    There were maybe half a dozen people in the waiting room. All of them waiting to hear about someone they loved.
    I picked a quiet corner and took one of the hard seats.
    I dug my cell phone out of my purse. As I slid my finger across the screen, I saw that Ash had called five times. I didn’t bother to listen to the messages, but simply hit the callback button. I knew he’d heard about Gray’s collapse.
    I didn’t hear it ring on my end, so Ash must have pounced on it at the first sound. “Addie, I’ve been going crazy,” he said by way of a greeting. “Which hospital are you at? Did they tell you what’s wrong? How is he?”
    I thought about the doctor, then the nurse’s grim expression. “It’s not good, Ash,” I told Gray’s best friend and business partner. “Not good at all.”
    “I can be there in ten minutes,” he said. “Just tell me where I’m going.”
    I imagined Ash jumping from his chair and heading toward the door as he said the words. That was Ash—a charge-in-headfirst sort of man—while Gray was more of a plotter and planner. They complemented each other in business and in their friendship.
    But I couldn’t handle Ash charging about here. He’d pace and fret and hound the staff. And in the end none of that would help Gray.
    “No, Ash. There’s nothing to do here but wait. He’s in surgery for at least a few hours.”
    I could almost picture Ash sinking back into his chair and running his fingers through his white-blond hair, his model-handsome face contorting with concern. “He had a heart attack, then?”
    “No. I forget the name, but there’s a tear in a vessel near his heart. They’re doing open-heart surgery. I got fuzzy on some of what the doctor said, but I think they’re putting in a stent, something to keep that tear from bursting. After the surgery, he’ll be in a medically induced coma for days. He won’t know you’re here.”
    “But you will,” Ash said softly.
    His offer was tempting. But if he came to the hospital I’d lean on him and I didn’t want to lean on anyone. I’d spent the last year trying to discover how to stand on my own two feet.
    I think I knew my marriage to Gray was over the moment I walked out the door to our Willow Lane house, but it had taken me all these months to learn to stand on my own enough to make it official.
    No matter how easy it would be to lean on Ash, I couldn’t move backward. “I’m fine,” I said. It was probably the biggest lie I’d ever told. I was many things, but fine wasn’t one of them. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear anything.”
    “I—” I thought he was going to argue, but in the end he simply said, “Whatever you need, Addie. I mean it . . . whatever. Call me no matter what time of day or night.”
    “I’ll call when he’s out of surgery,” I promised, then hung up before he could offer to come down again.
    I didn’t want to see Ash.
    I didn’t want someone I knew here, watching me break down if the worst happened.
    I didn’t want to admit I needed anything or anyone. I wasn’t someone who asked for help or favors. I needed to think I was self-sufficient.
    “Are