Policy , on which she had an upcoming exam. âFor Godâs sake,â she said. âHavenât these people heard of Pampers?â
3) Set up the crib before the infant arrives and train your pet to stay away from it. Otherwise, the cat may want to sleep with your child .
In a tiny room just off the kitchen I cleared a space next to the washer and dryer, built the crib, hung pink curtains, and taped up several pages torn from a Dumbo coloring book Iâd found at the store. I sat in a corner of the room gripping a water pistol, a finely detailed German Luger, and squirted Meckie whenever she came near the crib. She glared at me, hatefully. âScrew you both,â I said to my wife and my cat on particularly bad days. Susan wasnât talking much. Okra stems lay in the shoebox at her feet. I called my mother for advice. âBe patient with her, Josh. Her bodyâs going through changes.â
âYouâre telling me. Sheâs as big as the World Trade Center.â
âWhat are you feeding her?â
I glanced at the box. âSize nines,â I said.
______
âWhat will our baby look like?â Susie asked me one night. âI mean, genetically speaking, what are the possibilities?â
âItâs hard to predict,â I said. I pictured various members of our families. âShe could be big as a battleship or small as a bath toy.â
Susie wasnât pleased. She was so large by now she couldnât haul herself out of a chair without my help.
One evening after dinner she wanted to take my picture. âWith your shirt off,â she demanded, posing me by a window.
âWhy?â I asked.
âWhen our daughterâs old enough to appreciate men, I want her to see how young and sexy her father was.â
âSomehow you just made me feel old.â
She popped a flashcube onto the camera. âFlex your muscles, Josh. A little Schwarzenegger action.â
âOur kidâs going to think her parents were pornographers,â I said. I was depressed. That morning Iâd resigned my post at the high school, effective at the end of the summer. Bio-Systems Research, Inc. of Toledo, Ohio, a small outfit on a farm road south of Lake Erie, had hired me to write grant proposals at three times the salary I was making as a teacher. Instantly Iâd become a better potential father in Susieâs eyes, a more upstanding citizen, but my schedule looked daunting to me and I wouldnât earn a vacation for another two years.
âGlad to have you on our team,â Wayne Miller, my new boss, had told me at lunch. âWeâve been trying to bag federal dollars for months. Weâre going to need you âround the clock here at first.â
I was going to miss chasing cats. With my long hours I feared Iâd miss seeing Jessie grow up.
Susie circled me with the camera, standing on tiptoe or crouching (sort of), as though she couldnât see me.
âJosh?â
âYes?â
âSmile.â
______
In Buenos Aires, shortly after the military coup in March â76, I saw a gorgeous gray Angora with only three legs, limping from car to car. Under the tense scrutiny of several heavily armed young soldiers, I coaxed the cat out of a jeep and took it to a vet. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
In the days before Jessie was born Iâd lie in bed with Susan, rubbing baby oil on her belly, trying to calm her fears about the world. âOur little girlâll be so helpless â¦,â sheâd say. I practiced my lullabies on her, from Old Possumâs Book of Practical Cats:
The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing.
The Rum Tum Tugger doesnât care for a cuddle;
But heâll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing,
For thereâs nothing he enjoys like a horrible muddle.
______
The night Susan gave birth I decided I couldnât be a father after all. Iâd driven her (fumbling with the gear