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the self-doubt, the
persecution I felt at being someone different in a town with no
room for outsiders. But who knew fire in the physical world could
respond in such a way? Who could tell me if my answers were truth
or delusion?
    The shadows I sat in felt heavy against my
shoulders as a desperate wish grew within me. I didn't want to be so different. So alone. I made a wish, a wish would take away
the loneliness. A wish the cards and the flames could be right
about Tommy. There was a certainty in my mind that, if I asked, I
could bind him to me forever.
    Evie's sewing box and the remains left over
from the ritual were still scattered across the coffee table where
she had left them. I pushed them aside as I searched for the one
thing I remembered fawning over when she showed me the makings of
the robe. I could only hope she hadn't picked it up with the bundle
she was going to use.
    A thick silver cord, its ends now cut where
it had been adjusted to serve as the sash to fit around my waist,
lay just beneath the mess. I tied it into place over the pants I
wore before kneeling back down in front of the altar. My eyes fell
onto the flames as I began to create an imaginary romance with my
thoughts. Tommy's face lighting up each time he saw me. His arms
wrapping around me to pull me into a kiss. The feel of his
fingertips on my skin. Every little detail I could imagine would
occur between lovers flashed in front of my sight amidst the fire,
almost as if I were staring into a mirror.
    Sometimes, words are better off not spoken.
Sometimes, they are dangerous. But with my actions being taken over
by the spell, my caution indicators were shut off. I cupped my
hands around the flame as I began to whisper, speaking dangerous
words to make my thoughts reality.
    "Fire of my birth, element of my soul, hear
the plea of this Chosen One. Fill my life with the love I dream of.
A love so strong it can never be destroyed here on Earth or on the
Astral Plane. Give love your strength. Your resilience. There is a
boy—a man—my heart desires. Make him mine. As this cord binds me, I
bind Tommy Hopkins to me. May neither his love nor mine ever falter
or fail. May our dedication to each other never fade, no matter
what the coming days have in store for us. With harm to none, thus
none shall pass, so must it be."
    My concentration pulled me closer to the
shadows as those same thoughts focused on the images I conjured in
the candlelight. I'd only met Tommy once, but he had seemed so
sweet. So reluctant to let me go. My lips parted in a sigh as I
whispered those words of power once more, then lost myself in those
fantasies of nothing which could become a vastly important
something.
    I stopped at last, words and images ceasing
together as a thank you was whispered and the fire
extinguished. I couldn't understand the sudden guilt making my
heart so heavy until I realized just how selfish my actions
were.
    The sensible part of my mind was rejecting
the images of his slow smile playing against my memory. How his
voice sounded as he spoke to someone who should have meant nothing
to him. No, it was the mystical side of me feeling the fear. The
child in me, the one who had grown up to understand the power
simple thoughts and simpler words could have, was screaming what I
had done would influence, change, even harm Tommy. My sudden spell
had constituted a powerful magic and thus, I was no better than my
mother or aunt, who used their own powers so selfishly.
    No. Maybe it didn't work at all. I'm no
good at this. I've not followed it as closely as I should have.
Surely the Great Mother will refuse the words of a selfish girl. A
lonely one who doesn't understand the mystical powers She
controls .
    My room welcomed me, but my bed embraced me
as I waited for sleep to come. The cold light of the moon danced
across my threadbare quilt and the events of the day played at the
edges of my dreams.
    Don't be silly, Annie. What happened
today ... tonight ... was nothing more