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stimulation similarly to the G-spot. You can insert a finger into the rectum and use that come-hither motion to find a partner’s prostate. Male-to-female transsexuals, both pre-op and post-op, can enjoy prostate stimulation.
    PC Muscles
    Finally, the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are the set of muscles that run through your pelvic area in a figure eight. These are the muscles you exercise when you stop the flow of urine midstream—or grip your lover’s finger. Developing these muscles will heighten your experience of orgasm; prevent incontinence when laughing or sneezing, or in old age; and generally help you become more aware of sensations in all areas of your genitals. Kegel exercises (named for the gynecologist who popularized them) involve squeezing your muscles as if you were shutting off the flow of urine. Inhale as you contract your PC muscles; hold the contraction for several seconds; and then exhale as you relax. Do this ten times. Then push out ten times. Repeat. Do this daily—on the bus, in traffic, and while watching your TiVo.
    Breasts
    Many of us enjoy breast play—so much so that it gets its own chapter in this book. Unless you have health concerns or plan to breastfeed, you may not have sought out information on the anatomy of your breasts.
    Our breasts are composed mostly of breast tissue and fat. Although the size of your breasts is genetically determined, your breast size will change as you gain or lose weight. One breast may be larger than the other. The size or shape of your breasts has no bearing on their responsiveness to sexual stimulation.
    The areola surrounds the nipple; it’s darker than the rest of the breast. The areola darkens and swells in response to sexual stimulation. The nipple becomes erect when stimulated; some women’s nipples invert when aroused. (Dr. Susan Love calls these “shy” nipples.) 10
    Breast sensitivity varies from woman to woman, as well as at different points in a woman’s menstrual cycle and over the course of her lifetime. PMS (premenstrual syndrome) and pregnancy can intensify breast sensitivity, and menopause can lessen breast sensitivity. Women who have cystic breasts may find breast play very uncomfortable.

    Sexual Response
    How do you know when you’re turned on? Does your clit throb? Can you feel a pulsing at the mouth of your vagina or at the opening of your anus? Do you feel nervous or fluttery? Do you notice small contractions of the sphincter muscles? Do you feel yourself getting wet? Do your nipples get erect? Are you aware of your nipples brushing against the fabric of your clothing? Can you smell your own juices?
    You may be familiar with the Masters and Johnson model of sexual response. In the 1960s, William Masters and Virginia Johnson identified four stages of sexual response: arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution . 11 Theirs became the standard model of describing what happens when we’re sexual. Helen Singer Kaplan added a fifth stage, desire ; she posited that before there is arousal, there’s desire. 12 In the 1980s, Joann Loulan joined the chorus, adding a sixth stage: willingness . Loulan suggested that even if there wasn’t desire, there could be a willingness to feel desire. 13 Don’t worry if your sexual response fails to follow any of these models. Human sexuality varies greatly from person to person, and even from day to day.
    So why would it be useful to have a model of sexual response? Well, knowing generally how human sexual response works can help you understand your own experience. You can learn to notice your own sexual rhythms. Then you can decide what aspects of your sexual response you might like to develop more. Models such as these can give you a language to help you describe your experience, one that others may understand. However, if theories bore you—or, worse, make you feel inadequate—just skip them. You don’t have to be a sexologist to have a fabulous sex life.
    Understanding your own sexual response,