locked up in a mental institution due to uncontrollable delusions. The sun appears from the thick clouds, fighting with the rain. Amy is at that stage of conversation where I am not following her anymore. The pain in my stomach warns me that I am not supposed to walk this fast, but the situation is out of my control. Dr Roberts was right; I should have stayed in hospital for a bit longer.
We walk across the park, the rain stops drizzling and my tension eases when we get closer to the university. I am just about to smile when something else strikes me. I see them again, tall and beautiful looking people. They don’t fit in these ordinary surroundings. Once again, I begin to sweat and promise myself when I get back home I will have to call Dr Roberts and reveal that I am suffering from constant delusions. Walking uphill is harder than I thought. I am trying to control what I am seeing, trying to keep up with Amy's conversation and attempting not to notice these mystical individuals all at the same time.
We enter through the back gate to the campus and pass a few university buildings. Amy explains where we should go first so I can fill out all the paperwork for the modules. Physically and mentally I am not well at all, and the growing, pulsing pain in my stomach is more than uncomfortable. The American Studies department is situated in the James Callaghan building, Amy explains. We arrive on the third floor and pass through to reception. I am by now feeling very dizzy and sick. The reception area is small and we have to wait until a few more people leave before we can speak with the secretary. Her name is Mrs Lawrence, which I read from the sign on the door.
‘ How may I help you?’ she asks, not lifting her gaze from the laptop and looking slightly irritated. She is wearing large, thick glasses.
I am just about to explain why I am here, when I notice someone else in the office that I haven't seen before. A tall, dark-haired man with bright olive eyes glances at me, then at Amy. I know instantly that he doesn’t fit here. He is too perfect to be a normal human being. The cold shiver travels through my body. I am 100 percent sure that when we walked in there was no one in the room apart from the secretary and the other students. I suddenly feel dizzy and the uncomfortable pulsing pain in my stomach shifts. I decide to ignore him and keep repeating to myself that he isn't really there.
‘ How can I help you?’ repeats Mrs Lawrence more abruptly, finally lifting her eyes to look at me. I breathe deeply and the uneasy sensation passes.
‘ I need to choose my modules,’ I say finally, my voice shaky and unnatural. The woman is staring at me in silence for a moment, narrowing her amber eyes.
‘ You’re too late. There are hardly any spaces left in any American Studies modules for a first year,’ she answers, taking her eyes off me and making herself busy with papers. The perfect individual is looking directly at me, but I am doing everything I can to ignore him. Mrs Lawrence looks at the computer screen as if she has nothing else to say to me.
‘ I am sure there has to be something that you can do,’ I add quietly, feeling that I have lost this battle already.
‘ The deadline already passed, my dear. You have to speak with your personal tutor to see what you can do now.’
I am wasting my time here; this woman obviously is not going to help me. I am not sure if I am ready for university life, as the strange man in the room is proof that I am clearly suffering from some kind of mental health problems. Amy steps in, just as I am about to give up and leave.
‘ Excuse me, but my friend here was stabbed down at the beach a few weeks ago. I think you might bend the rules due to the circumstances. It isn’t her fault that she was attacked.’
I thank Amy in my mind, because the secretary instantly changes her expression and looks at me with
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni