breath had caught just below her breastbone. The way her eyes had seemed to short-circuit and her brain had lost focus. All she could see in her field of vision was her dad waiting at home for the call to tell him that she’d made it. Waiting alone. Hanging all his hopes on her success.
But her body and her brain had separated when the start had been called and she couldn't get her limbs to do what they were meant to do. She couldn’t get her blade out the water quick enough or sharp enough, she couldn’t get her legs firing, she couldn't find any rhythm, her adrenaline just zapped, dissipated, gone, so that every stroke was like rowing though cement. She lost her time-trial by 1.3 seconds. She wasn’t on the Olympic team that year.
Her dad had actually cried. And Holly had been shattered.
Enid had found Holly sitting in her car, her rucksack packed, her passport in her bag. She had opened the car door and said,
‘You cannot do this. You cannot do this, young lady. You weren't ready. That was all. But you cannot quit. You cannot run away. You have to finish what you’ve started. You’ll regret it for ever if you don’t.’
From her seat on the ferry, Holly wondered now if Enid had been talking as much about herself as to Holly.
You’ll regret it for ever
. Suddenly so clearly said with a voice of experience. She thought back to the letter they’d found about the dead officer addressed to Enid and wondered what secrets were hidden in those words.
Then a shadow blocked out her sunshine and a voice said, ‘I’m sorry, OK.’ Holly opened her eyes to see Wilf silhouetted in front of her.
‘I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain,’ he said.
‘Really?’ Holly tipped her chair up to flat and shielded her eyes to look up at him. He had on a pair of black Wayfarer sunglasses and took them off as he carried on talking to her.
‘I was annoyed with Emily. I was annoyed that I was in this position.’ He paused. ‘Not this position,’ he said quickly, pointing to Holly’s bump, ‘But this position,’ he said, trying to encompass Holly, himself and the ferry. ‘But I realise that I’ve been behaving like a bit of a brat. So, I apologise.’
Holly didn’t know what to say. This hadn't been what she was expecting. She’d settled into the idea of them not speaking for the rest of the journey and then drawing up some sort of custody arrangement once in France. ‘OK,’ she said in the end.
‘Good. I just wanted to, you know,’ he looked out towards the ship’s wake. ‘Clear that up.’
Holly had never seen him unsure of himself. Standing there with no possessions other than the clothes he had on, his phone and his wallet, he seemed suddenly quite vulnerable.
‘I’m going to go and er…’ Wilf pointed to the other end of the boat.
‘OK,’ Holly said, still not quite trusting the situation.
Wilf turned to go, then paused, his hand on the railing. ‘Unless, I don’t know, unless you want anything. Do you need a drink or something to eat? I mean, how does this work?’
Holly saw him take in her
Take a Break
magazine and Dairy Milk for the first time and inwardly cringed.
‘That doesn’t look very healthy,’ he said with a frown.
‘It’s to stop the morning sickness. Well, afternoon sickness.’
‘You didn’t say you were sick.’
‘That’s because this is the first time we’ve spoken,’ Holly said, leaning back in her seat and folding her arms in front of her.
Wilf tried to hide a smile. He slipped his shades back on and said, ‘Yeah, fair enough. Well, I was going to get a beer so maybe I could get you something. A Coke or something and d’you want a sandwich?’ He paused, took his sunglasses off again, ‘If, I mean, it’s OK for me to sit with you. I wouldn’t want to cramp your style.’
Holly rolled her eyes, then said, ‘I’ll have a Fanta, please.’
The corner of Wilf’s mouth quirked up, ‘Fanta, gotcha. Anything else? Sandwich?’
‘Are you having one?’ she
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