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shampoo commercial, a wave of silk in constant motion. She also had huge breasts. Pablo had once told me that sucking on them was his favorite thing in the world other than pot and football. The sight of her right then sent a pang of defeat through my chest. She had Pablo, and I didn’t. I never would. For a one twisted moment I wanted to be her. I wanted to get in her skin and lead her life and have all the things that she had.
    “Are you my sister’s friend?” Jessica asked.
    “Your sister has friends?” Judy said with a smirk.
    Jessica knew who I was. We’d had several classes together, and we saw each other on almost a daily basis at Food World. She was just being a bitch.
    “It’s Dade,” Judy said. “You know. Dade .”
    “Oh,” Jessica said, lowering her voice. “Pablo’s Dade?”
    Judy clicked her tongue. “Don’t say that. It’s not true.”
    “Oh,” said Jessica. “Sorry.”
    “Great party,” I said.
    Judy moved closer to me. She smelled like vanilla perfume and the mall.
    “Listen,” she said in a serious tone. “I don’t know why you’re here, but if I catch you talking to Pablo or even looking at Pablo, I’ll have Bert and every player on the team beat the living fuck out of you. Do you hear me? The living fuck .”
    Jessica covered her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her laughter.
    “You’ll be toast,” Judy said, as if it was the most simple equation in the world. “Consider this your one and only warning.”
    Jessica smiled brightly and thrust her empty cup at me. “Dave, will you be a gentleman and get me some more beer? Keg’s in the kitchen. And not a lot of head, please.”
    Judy and I traded death glares. I grabbed Jessica’s cup and made my way to the kitchen, where I immediately tossed it on the counter in a sea of empties and half-empties. The kitchen was just as crowded as the living room. Pablo and a couple of football players were manning the keg, filling their friends’ cups first, and constantly overlooking the empty cups of the kids who weren’t as cool. I watched him for a bit, thought back to us in his room that afternoon. All of that seemed so far away. I stood there wondering if there was any space in his mind that was occupied by the thought of me. I thought of what Judy had said she’d do to me if I even looked at him, and averted my eyes, but after a few seconds I was staring at him again, reaching for him through the crowd with my gaze.
    “Who do I have to blow to get a beer?” someone called loudly.
    “Me!” Pablo yelled into the crowd. “You have to blow me, fag.”
    “Yeah!” said one of the other players standing at the keg. “Settle down. We’ll get to you soon enough.”
    I found a coffee mug in the cupboard and filled it up with tap water for Fessica. I told myself that Pablo wasn’t there, that I didn’t know the guy handing out the beers. I ran into Judy and Jessica on my way back upstairs to Fessica.
    “Where’s my beer?” Jessica asked.
    “Keg’s dry,” I mumbled. I brushed passed them and went upstairs.
    Everyone had vacated the upstairs hallway except for Fessica. I kneeled down in front of her and held out the water. Her eyes were closed.
    “Hey,” I said. “Drink this. You’ll feel better.”
    She slowly opened her eyes. She looked at me, then at the mug, and then back at me. I sensed that she wanted me to put it to her lips and help her drink, but I wasn’t about to do that.
    “Come on,” I said. “Take it.”
    She took the mug and downed the water in loud slurps. When it was gone, she let out a dramatic “Ah!” and handed it back to me. I set it on the floor.
    “Take me to my bedroom,” she said. She nodded to the door across from where she was sitting. “Right there.”
    I pulled her up and dragged her into her room. The pink canopy above her bed sagged in the middle, and the walls were covered with posters of horses in nature and posters from horse movies. On the far wall at the foot of the bed was a