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trouble is that family never listens to me.
May third, later
    Auntie went out to races with Cyril. Came home afterwards and Papa asked her how she had liked them.
    â€œOh, they were fine,” said Auntie. “I saw the cutestduvetyn dress cut Directoire, and a perfectly stunning lavender raincoat with a white rubber flower on the hat.”
    â€œBut who won the races?” asked papa.
    â€œOh, a lot of horses,” said Auntie, pulling out hatpin. “I don’t know their names.”
    Papa said that if Auntie went to an execution, she probably wouldn’t know if the man was being shot for stealing jade or for passing another automobile on Nanking Road.

Chapter VII
    In Which the Baby is Perturbed by Cucumbers and the Spring Meet … The Pleasures of House-Booting … The Jap Baby Springs a New Accomplishment, Thereby Upsetting Some Deep-laid Plans.
May fourth
    Everybody gone to races to-day. Cook took bird-cage and went after tiffin. Houseboy went to dentist for tooth-ache, but saw dentist at same place. Nobody home but amah and me. Pretty soon amah put me in perambulator and wheeled me to house of old Chinese lady, then went out toward Bubbling Well. Old lady gave me nice piece of cucumber to chew, which she told amah wouldn’t hurt me because it was too big for me to swallow. Fooled her. Swallowed it. Would like to live in this house, as would enjoy chickens roosting on crib.
May fourth, later
    Amah came back in hurry, wheeled me in rearentrance of home, took off bonnet, and had me sitting in pen when family came in front way. Told mama I had slept upstairs all afternoon. Surprised that amah has such poor memory.
    Papa said that married men always lost, as he had won $50 in Pari-Mutuel, but had to spend $250 to dress up family for races.
    â€œAnyway, a lot of people looked at me in my new clothes,” said mama.
    Papa said a lot more would have looked at her if she had just blacked her face, and it wouldn’t have been nearly as expensive.
    Cyril came in bye-and-bye, looking unhappy. Said that he had been tipped off on a pony.
    â€œDid you hurt yourself much when you fell?” asked Auntie.
    â€œAbout a hundred dollars’ worth,” said Cyril.
    Auntie said it was awful the way the doctors charge in this town and that Cyril should be more careful in his riding.
May fifth
    Something wrong inside. Squalled all day. Mama said climate doesn’t agree with me. Don’t remember eating any climate.
May sixth
    Somewhat better. Went out with amah to Hongkew Park and saw fresh Jap baby. Looked in other direction as am not feeling in good trim yet.
May sixth
    Family talking about invitation to go on houseboat trip. Mama asked papa if he would like to go.
    â€œWhy should I?” asked papa. “All I have to do is to take the springs out of my bed and saw off the end so that I have to sleep doubled up like a Duplex apartment. Then I need only tell the boy to break all the bottles of chow water and forget some important articles of diet; limit the family to one washbasin; hire some fragrances strong enough to walk up and shake hands; and engage a lot of coolies to look in the window while I’m dressing, and I can have just as much fun as if I were on a houseboat trip. I never went on a houseboat party yet where the boy didn’t break the water-bottles. It must be a rule in the Chinese civil code.”
    Mama said that papa probably didn’t miss the water-bottles very much, and papa said that he wouldn’t get the credit for it even if he did. Papa remarked later that families who went on houseboat parties together either parted mortal enemies or else had so much on each other that they had to stay good friends.
May seventh
    Nice day. Sat in kitchen and watched cook scrub potatoes with old hair-brush. Later enjoyed pleasant time while cook’s wife and amah had argument over winnings on Pari-mutuel ticket. Cook’s wife bit amah’s ear. Many remarks about