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two—mentally, from his brain, or physically, from his body’s response to stimulation. These two factors need each other to create physiological arousal, though they can operate at varying levels: in a given instance, fantasy may be fueling the fires more than touch, or vice-versa. The mind and body work in tandem to make a man hot under the collar and hard under the Calvins—you can have one without the other and still be aroused, but then, well, you have one and not the other. These two factors (in whatever proportion) trigger neural responses along nerve pathways that widen the arteries leading to the penis and other erectile tissue. Blood begins to flow into his penis and its underground erectile tissue, and his penis and perineum begin to harden. The prostate starts to grow firm to the touch.
    Blood flows into the main tubes of the penis, creating rigidity as the flow of blood expands the erectile tissue, trapping the blood in his penis, creating and sustaining the erection until the nerve messages stop, or he ejaculates. (The nerve pathways for erection and ejaculation are different, which is why a man can ejaculate without erection and vice-versa.) The blood flowing to his genitals is also being trapped inside in the bulb and root of his penis, contributing to a firmer perineum.
    To make an erection, the blood swells the tissue inside until it strains against the sheath of skin covering the penis. Lo, it is risen. The head also swells, and in uncircumcised men this swelling pushes the glans forward out of the opening in the foreskin. Erections come in many flavors—soft, semisoft, hard, rock-hard—and can fill out the shape of the penis differently depending on the man. When erect, he may be straight as a board, curve up, down, left, or right, or be firmer at one end than the other. As his pleasure cycle moves up and down the peaks and valleys of arousal, so will his erection grow soft and firm again. In prolonged sexual encounters, it’s not uncommon for erections to come and go as the lovemaking session progresses, and this normal cycling has nothing to do with his actual arousal or desire.
    At the urethral opening, during arousal some men get wet with what’s commonly called pre-come. This clear fluid usually appears when he’s really turned on, and while some men have only a little, others can be quite juicy. It also changes in amount from one experience to another; he might be really wet sometimes, while other times he’s not wet at all. Pre-come is a combination of the fluid forced from the walls of the urethra and ejaculatory fluids produced in the prostatic urethra (where the fluids mix with semen before ejaculation). Pre-come contains semen, and it can contain viruses if your partner has one, so it’s important to treat it just as you would ejaculate—with all the necessary safer-sex precautions. (For information on safer sex, see chapter 4, “Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations.”)
    As his arousal heightens, all the muscles and ligaments in the genital region begin to tighten, creating an exquisite tension. The prostate gland is swollen with fluid, waiting for the signal to begin its contractions. The figure eight of muscles that surround the penile system and ring the anus become tense, creating more pleasure and making his entire lower body part of the pleasure process.
I hold my boyfriend’s balls while I suck him off. He likes it, and as they get tighter I can tell he’s about to come.
    Muscle tension builds to a pinnacle as he reaches the point of no return. His glans is very sensitive to stimulation, and both penis and shaft become very hard, as does the prostate. The testicles pull up very close to his body, contributing a delicious pressure. His breathing is labored, his blood pressure is up, and the skin all over his body is electric and extremely sensitive. His whole body is flooded with potent sexual chemicals, coloring his vision with nothing but the demands of getting more