Read The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead for Free Online Page B

it,” Dave said, almost apologetically. “I didn’t eat it.”
    “Either way, we’re talking some sick shit. I, for one, was convinced.”
    “Me too,” Mike added.
    “Not me,” Carl said. “At least, not until he started cutting himself and healing instantly.”
    “Quite the floor show.” I inclined my head toward my former DM, enjoying watching him squirm for once. “So then how did we end up here, with you guys trying to take a bite out of my ass because you thought I was late with your pizza?”
    “We weren’t going to bite your ass,” Mike replied. “Well, maybe Adam was.”
    An empty beer can bounced off his head courtesy of my other party-mate.
    “Back it up,” I clarified. “I mean, how did you guys end up...” I put my index and middle fingers up to my mouth to simulate fangs. Not sure why, since I had them myself, but I was kind of caught up in the moment. “Did he attack you?”
    “No, he offered,” Carl said, leaning back in his chair. For all the concern he was giving my questioning, you’d have thought he was about to roll initiative against a pair of kobolds. “Said he needed to make a coven or something. I still don’t get that shit. I thought they...”
    “Were for witches, I know. They stole the idea from us.” I turned to Dave and raised an eyebrow, waiting until he got the hint it was his turn to answer my unspoken question.
    Finally, he sighed, looking much like a teenager who’d been caught sneaking out of the house after dark. “You said it yourself. Uncovened vampires aren’t allowed.”
    “That didn’t mean to make your own! That’s ... not how it’s done.”
    “Well, nobody bothered to tell me that,” he replied defensively, getting to his feet.
    “Maybe if you’d stuck around...”
    “And be what? Knocked out by that hot blonde over and over again?”
    “She didn’t do it that many times.”
    “Are you kidding me? I couldn’t even get up to take a piss without her telling me to go back into the other room and take a long nap. Undead or not, I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy for a bladder.”
    Yeah, I could definitely see Sally doing that. “Listen, Dave, I’m sorry for...”
    “Hold on,” Carl said. “I want to hear more about this hot blonde.”
    Adam sniffed dismissively. “Hot blondes are overrated.”
    “Go fuck yourself. Inquiring minds want to know. Seriously, dude, so did she, y’know, molest you in your sleep?”
    “Well, I did have a couple of dreams that were pretty realis...”
    “No, she didn’t,” I snapped, perhaps a bit harsher than was warranted by what was obviously a bullshit story. Hell, I’d told probably a thousand of them myself to this very bunch. I needed to chill out a bit before anyone questioned why the lady ... err, me ... doth protest too much. “Let’s forget about Sally for the moment and get back to...”
    Carl and Mike’s heads both whipped toward me fast enough to give an old lady whiplash. “You know her name?”
    “Well, yeah. She’s my friend.”
    “Your friend, eh?” Carl turned toward Mike and started moving his fist toward his mouth while jabbing the inside of his cheek with his tongue.
    “It’s not like that. Well, okay, maybe it’s a little like that.”
    Fuck it. I was amongst friends.
    * * *
    High-fives commenced, and then I tried to steer us back on track. “Seriously, guys. What’s up with the masks and the pizza guy bullshit?”
    Dave held up his hands. “Don’t look at me.”
    I raised one eyebrow to express my dubious belief in his statement.
    “Seriously. I’ve been sneaking blood from the hospital. The place is fucking chaos. They’re going through so much these days, they don’t even notice a few liters missing here and there. I mean, sure, there’s been a couple of terminal patients too, but you can’t blame a guy for experimenting a bit.”
    Now that was the Dave I knew. “Keep going. I’m listening.”
    “After I took over ... I mean, made my coven, I started