same sex at any time for any reason unless at the direction and in the presence of a counselor.
No using profanity.
Be supportive of your fellow campers and help them stay accountable. Report any questionable behavior to Mr. Martin immediately.
Obey the counselors at all times—insubordination will not be tolerated.
No unsupervised phone calls.
Campers must remain in approved camp areas at all times unless specifically directed otherwise by a counselor.
Designated meal, sleep, and prayer times will be observed by all campers.
No unsupervised meetings between campers of the same sex. Improper fraternizing carries the penalty of immediate expulsion.
She says that last one with added emphasis, giving me the impression that that’s the most important rule of all.
When Deb is done with her lecture, Mr. Martin saunters over. “I’ll take over here, Deb,” he says. “Why don’t you go see if Barbara needs help with her group?” After Deb has left, he pulls up a seat. His hands thread together and he leans forward, elbows on knees. “The first step in battling any addiction is admitting you have a problem. And that’s a good way to think of your SSA—as an addiction.”
“I thought it was a sickness,” Matthew counters.
“They’re one and the same. Haven’t you ever heard addiction described as a disease?”
Matthew just shrugs.
“So,” Mr. Martin continues, “like any addiction, you may feel that it is out of your hands and that you are dependent on it. But that’s not true. It’s not part of you. You can work to control it. And you will be better off without it.” The soothing, certain way he forms his words makes it impossible to not believe him. He gives us a warm smile. “Don’t worry; we’ll start slow. Today’s session will simply be about sharing your individual stories with your group. What is your experience with SSA? When did you first start having these feelings? What brings you to New Horizons? Be honest with each other—it’s the only way to build the trust that is absolutely essential for your therapy to thrive.”
That’s starting slow ? Oh yeah, just tell a bunch of people you just met your deepest, most private thoughts. No biggie.
“Who would like to go first?”
There are a few moments of edgy silence, like when a teacher asks who wants to be the first one to give a presentation in front of the whole class.
But then Daniel speaks. “I will,” he says, his voice faint.
We all whip our heads around to look at him. Even Mr. Martin looks surprised that this timid, young boy is the first one to volunteer. “Excellent!” he says, pleased.
“I hate who I am,” Daniel says. “That’s why I’m here.”
Mr. Martin nods thoughtfully. “Remember, Daniel, your SSA is not who you are. It’s something that’s been done to you. It’s not your fault.”
“Well, I want it to stop.”
“When did you first become aware of your SSA?”
He thinks for a moment. “I don’t know. But I know the first time I acted on it.” He pauses again, and I wonder if that’s all he’s going to say.
“It’s okay, Daniel. This is a safe space,” Mr. Martin says, his voice warm.
Daniel takes a deep, wavering breath. “I was eleven. My friend Colin fell and cut his knee in gym class, and the teacher asked me to help him get to the nurse. The nurse was busy with another student when we got there, so we had to wait. Colin’s knee was all bloody and he was crying, and I didn’t want him to be hurting, and I didn’t know what to do, and before I could stop myself, I just leaned over and kissed him. On the lips. I don’t know why I did it.” He breaks off as his eyes fill with tears. When he speaks again, his voice is even quieter. I have to strain to hear. “It was like I’d given him an electric shock. He jerked away and hit me—hard—across the face. I ran away and prayed to God for days and days, begging him to make me normal.” He turns his body toward Mr. Martin but
Steam Books, Shanika Patrice