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Secretary-General. Something rose to speak.
    “Esteemed Council!” came the far yet piercing voice, not unlike the sound of sheet metal being cut, but the timbre quickly ceased to occupy my attention. “We have just heard, from the mouthparts of polpitor Voretex, a warm recommendation for the race of a distant planet, till now unknown to those assembled here. I should like to express my keen disappointment that the unexpected absence at today’s session of sulpitor Extrevor has deprived us of the opportunity to acquaint ourselves more particularly with the history, the manners and the nature of that race, whose presence in the UP all Rhohchdom so eagerly desires. Now I am no specialist in the field of cosmic teratology, however I would like, to the extent of my modest abilities, to supplement what we have just had the pleasure of hearing. First of all, in passing only, parenthetically as it were, I will point out that the native planet of humanity is called not Oreth, Areth or Arrth, as was said—not out of ignorance, of course, but purely, as I am quite convinced, in the heat of the oratorical moment—by my worthy colleague the preceding speaker. An insignificant detail, to be sure. However the other term, ‘humanity,’ which I made use of, is taken from the language of the race of Earth—the correct name, incidentally, for that obscure little planet—while our sciences designate the Earthlings somewhat differently. I trust it shall not unduly weary this Esteemed Assembly if I take the liberty of giving the full name and classification of the species whose membership in the UP we are considering, quoting for that purpose from an excellent work of specialists, namely the Galactical Teratology of Grammpluss and Gzeems.”
    The representative from Thuban opened the enormous volume on his desk to the place indicated by a bookmark, and read:
    “In accordance with the accepted systems of taxonomy and nomenclature, all anomalous forms found in our Galaxy are contained within the phylum Aberrantia (Deviates, Freaks), which is divided into the subphyla Debilitales (Boobs) and Antisapientinales (Screwheads). To the latter subphylum belong the classes Canaliacaea (Thuglies) and Necroludentia (Corpselovers). Among the Corpselovers we distinguish, in turn, the orders Patricidiaceae (Fatherbeaters), Matriphagideae (Mothereaters) and Lasciviaceae (Abominites, or Scumberbutts). The Abominites, highly degenerate forms, we divide into the Cretininae (Clenchpoops, viz. Cadaverium Mordans or the Chewcarcass Addlepate) and Horrosrissimae (Howlmouths, with the classic example of the Outchested Backshouldered Dullard, Idiontus Erectus Gzeemsi). A few of the Howlmouths have actually been known to create their own pseudo-cultures; among these are such species as Anophilus Belligerens, the Bungfond Tuff, which calls itself Genius Pulcherrimus Mundanus, or that most curious specimen, possessing an entirely bald body and observed by Grammpluss in the darkest corner of our Galaxy— Monstroteratum Furiosum (the Stinking Meemy), which has given itself the name of Homo Sapiens.”
    A clamor went up in the hall. The Secretary-General set in motion his machine with the mallet.
    “Stiff upper lip!” hissed the Rhohch. I couldn’t see him, what with the glare from the sun lamps, or perhaps it was the sweat getting into my eyes, A ray of hope flickered within me, for someone was demanding to be heard on a point of order. Presenting himself to the assembly as a member of the Aquarius delegation, who was also an astrozoologist, he began to take issue with the Thubanian—but alas, only on the grounds that—as a disciple of the school of Professor Hagranops—he considered the classification put forward to be incomplete. For he distinguished, after his mentor, the separate order Degeneratores, to which belonged the Fouljowls, Upgluts, Necrovores and Stifflickers: the application of the term “Monstroteratus” to man, he also felt, was