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to the work they had been designed to perform, devoted most of their shifts to partner selection, whereby their constant running about with plugs for the purpose of recreational coupling led to violations of the Panundrian Statute and, ultimately, mechanicographic overcrowding, for both of which regrettable phenomena the defendant party is to blame. And so we hereby declare the debt to Altair null and void.”
    I put down the phones with a splitting headache. To hell with these machines offending the public morality, Altair, Fomalhaut and all the rest of it! I had had enough of the UP and wasn’t even a member yet. I felt ill. Why did I ever listen to Professor Tarantoga? What use to me was this awful honor that obliged me to blush for the sins of others? Instead I should have—
    An invisible current ran through me, for there on the enormous board flashed the digits 83, and I felt a vigorous jab. It was my Rhohch who, jumping to his claws or perhaps feelers, pulled me after him. The sun lamps floating beneath the ceiling of the hall directed upon us a blazing flood of azure light. Bathed on all sides by beams of radiance which seemed to shine right through me, and numbly clutching my thoroughly limp roll of certification papers, I heard the powerful bass of the Rhohch booming at my side, voluble and unconstrained, filling the entire amphitheater, yet the content of his speech reached me only in snatches, like sea foam during a storm, spraying the one who dares lean out over the pier.
    “…this marvelous Arrth (he couldn’t even pronounce the name of my native planet properly!) … this noble humanity … and here its distinguished representative … elegant, amiable mammals … atomic energy, released with consummate skill in the foothills of their mountains … a youthful, buoyant culture, full of feeling … a deep faith in jergundery, though not devoid of ambifribbis … (evidently he was confusing us with someone else) … devoted to the cause of interstellar solidarity … in the hopes that their admittance into this august body … bringing to an end the embryonic phase of their social development … though alone and isolated on their galactic periphery … plucky, independent … surely deserving…”
    “So far, in spite of everything, it’s going well,” flashed the thought. “He’s praising us, not badly either … but wait, what’s this?”
    “True, they are paired! Their rigid underpinning … but one must understand … in this Esteemed Assembly exceptions to the rule have the right to be represented too … there is no shame in abnormality … the difficult conditions that shaped them … aqueousness, even when saline, need not be an obstacle … with our assistance in the future they can rid themselves of this ug … of this unfortunate appearance, which the Esteemed Assembly with its customary generosity will be willing, I trust, to disregard … and so on behalf of the Rhohch Delegation and the Sidereal Union of Betelgeuse I hereby move that humanity from the planet Oreth be recognized as a member of the United Planets, and that the honest Orthonian standing here be accorded therewith the full rights of an accredited delegate to that organization. That is all.”
    A mighty roar broke out, interspersed with strange whistlings, but no applause (nor could there have been any, in the absence of hands); this din and racket abruptly subsided at the sound of a gong, and the voice of the Secretary-General could be heard:
    “Do any of the esteemed delegations intend to speak to the motion now under consideration, namely the recognition of Humanity from the planet Areth?”
    The radiant Rhohch, evidently extremely pleased with himself, dragged me back to my seat. I sat down, mumbling some incoherent words of appreciation for his services, when two pale green rays shot out simultaneously from different parts of the amphitheater.
    “The representative from Thuban has the floor!” said the