Read The School Gate Survival Guide for Free Online Page B

it got embarrassing.
    ‘Cor, are you named after a car? That’s wicked. Me dad called me after his favourite motorbike.’
    Orion looked puzzled. ‘I’m not named after a car. I’m named after the Hunter, the star constellation. My dad does astronomy. It’s his hobby.’
    It was Harley’s turn to look puzzled. ‘Not a Ford Orion then?’ But he sounded indignant, as though Orion had somehow messed up the origin of his name. Not humiliated because, among my many other failings as a mother, I hadn’t been teaching him flaming star constellations since he was six months old. Watching all that confidence, all that optimism stuffed into one baby-faced ten-year-old made me ache to hug him. Luckily, the bell rang and Harley gave me a quick wave, a slightly impatient ‘I’ll be fine, Mum’ and walked off with Orion.
    I heard Harley ask, ‘So what car’s your dad got then?’
    I turned away. I didn’t want to hear the question – or answer – in reverse. ‘Thanks for sorting out Bronte. She was really worried about coming here this morning,’ I said.
    ‘My pleasure. It’s difficult starting halfway through the school year, and January’s such an atrocious month, but I’m sure they’ll absolutely love it here. It’s a marvellous school, they’ll settle down in no time. You must come to our class coffee morning next week. Monday. We have one at the beginning of every term so all the mums can catch up. It’s at Jennifer’s, Hugo’s mum, he’s in Harley’s class. I’ll pick you up, if you like.’
    ‘No, no, it’s okay, thanks anyway.’
    ‘You will come, won’t you? I’ll send home directions in Harley’s school bag. You’ll get to know all the mums so you can sort out playdates. Anyway must go, horses need exercising. Do you ride? No? Bet you do something far more fucking sensible like Pilates. You’re lovely and slim. Big tits always been my downfall.’
    With that, Clover, the mother of a couple of herby girls and a star constellation strode off in her wellies to a muddy old Land Rover. Fucking Clover had saved the day.

CHAPTER SIX
    I looked down again at the note that Clover had sent home. Though she’d obviously written it with a crayon or an eyeliner, it definitely said Little Sandhurst. Which meant Jennifer’s house was behind these wrought iron gates, a reddish blur down an avenue lined with horse chestnut trees. Jesus. Before I’d even pressed the button to get in, the gates whirred back and a security camera swivelled above my head. Thank God I’d had the good sense to leave the van in the pub car park at the end of the road, otherwise I’d have definitely been risking directions to the tradesman’s entrance.
    At the door, I tugged down my T-shirt to make sure my belly button ring wasn’t showing. The long walk up the drive hadn’t agreed with my underwear and I was just in the middle of pulling my knickers out of my bottom when I suddenly remembered the security cameras. I looked round, praying I wasn’t being beamed around the kitchen or the front room, digging between my buttocks for my Asda sideslappers. Then something else caught my attention. A silver Mitsubishi Pajero. Jen Bloody 1. I’d bust a gut, mopping, spraying and hoovering like a chicken on ecstasy to finish early and get over here for coffee with none other than the flaming horn-honker. Stupid cow. For two pins I wouldn’t have come, but Harley and Bronte were having a tricky old time fitting in as it was. If I could help by nodding nicely at other mums and crooking my little finger over a Jammie Dodger, bring it on. Hopefully she wouldn’t recognise me without the van.
    The door opened and Jen1 stood there, a skinny minny with super-straight long blonde hair almost down to her waist. I think it was her waist, anyway. The wide belt around it made it look like my wrist. ‘You must be Harley’s mummy. I’m Hugo’s mummy, Jennifer, how do you do?’ She held out a hand that had definitely benefited from the