to talk to someone and hash out my worries and doubts until they made sense.
The phone rang, as though in response to my thoughts. I picked up, too afraid to check the caller-ID, and focused my attention on the window. The falling snow comforted me and the dark, heavy clouds suited my mood.
“Kelsey? Kelsey, honey, are you okay? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days.”
Mom exaggerated more than a little bit. She had called twice the day before and she had left no messages.
I tried to keep the sigh out of my voice as I sank into a chair. “Yes, Momma, I’ve been busy. I’m fine.”
“Oh, well, honey, I just heard a rumor, and I had to talk to you to clear it up.”
My heart bucked with fear. Was it possible news of Landon’s death had spread to the East Coast? “You’ve already said it’s just a rumor, so why do you need to clear anything up? You know how people gossip.”
“Yes, of course you’re right, dear. But this came from a very reliable source.”
“What is it, Momma?”
“Well, I ran into Molly Meyer’s mother at the grocery store, and she said Emily Hendrickson is getting married next June.”
I slumped with relief and annoyance. “How exactly can I clear that up, Momma?”
“Well, you and Emily were so close. I figured you would have at least heard about the wedding, and I thought she’d probably invited you.”
“Momma, I haven’t said more than five words to Emily since fourth grade.” When you told her mother I could see ghosts . “She certainly isn’t going to invite me to her wedding.”
“Oh well, I just thought if she did, you might be coming back here in June, and I wanted you to know that you are more than welcome to stay with me.”
“If she does invite me, and I do decide to go to her wedding, there is nowhere else I’d rather stay.” The idea of my having had friends in school was just one of the many fantasies Mom needed.
“Oh, good. You just let me know as soon as you hear anything. Are you doing okay? I read in the paper that you are in for a real cold spell there next week.”
“I’m fine, Momma. Cold is a good thing here.”
“Well, I’m glad you are doing so well. I just miss you so much since you left. I couldn’t help but think of the way I felt after your father…well, I just felt so lonely, like my whole world had ended…”
“I miss you, too, Momma.”
“Have you heard from him?”
My father had disappeared when I was five and my mother stopped sending me to a therapist and started believing in my abilities when I was seven. She was so desperate to know what had happened to him, she believed in me. I’d never seen him, and she never failed to ask.
“No, Momma. I haven’t seen many ghosts at all lately. I’ve been busy with work and—”
“Oh well, you have always been stronger than me and you have so many friends there. You aren’t all alone like I am. You ought to find a roommate, though. I hate the idea of you living there by yourself.”
“I’m not alone, Momma, I have a roommate. It’s just that Angelica and I are thinking of trying to find a third roommate to help with the rent.”
“You know, sweetheart, if money’s tight, you can always move back here. I miss you so much.”
I had heard this line from my mother more times than I can count. The first time she said it to me, I believed she meant it and I felt so bad for her that I agreed to return home. As soon as I did, she backtracked and said I needed to live my own life and she would never keep me from it. I realized then that she didn’t want me to come home. I imagined life was easier for her without her freaky daughter who reminded her of the husband who’d left. My mother couldn’t admit that reality, so we played this little game to make her feel better.
“I miss you, too, Momma. If there was some way I could live with you and also live here, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“I know you would, sugar. I know you would.”
“I gotta go. I