happened two years
beforeâthe onset of dry weather conditions, combined with El Niño , resulted in an extraordinary explosion of color, where tens of thousands of trees in these forests, many of them a hundred and twenty or thirty feet high, and any single one of them bearing four million flowers, burst into bloom. It was the most amazing thing Iâd ever seen.
âFour million?â Seana said. âYou counted?â
âEstimated,â I said.
âBut these trees are dyingâtheyâre being logged away to make room for your palm oil plantations, yes?â
âYes.â
âPalm oil was used in the making of napalm, wasnât it?â
âYes.â
âSo you are a shit,â she said.
âProbably. Still, I was wondering if youâd like to visit the forests with me and get to see them before theyâre gone?â
âSure,â she said. And then: ââ Death is the mother of beauty,â right?â
âMax used to say the same thingâa line from a poem, right?â
ââSunday Morning,â by Wallace StevensâI heard the lines from Max the first time too. But you say you donât feel guilty?â
âAbout what?â
âAbout taking pleasure from seeing the beauty of these forests because you know theyâre dying.â
âWhat good would guilt do?â
âActually,â she said, âand take it from an Irish girl who knows about such mattersâwhen itâs not self-destructive, guilt can be a splendid muse.â
âIn some places Iâve been to in Borneo,â I said, âthere can be more than seven hundred different species of trees in a twenty-five acre plot, which is more than the total number of tree species in the United States and Canada combined.â
âImpressive.â
âItâs one reasonâbeing able to get to Borneo easily and oftenâIâve stayed at the job in Singapore.â
âAnd youâd go thereâto Borneoâif you knew you were dying, yes?â
âYes.â
Seana was quiet for a while, after which she said sheâd come to the conclusion it would be a good idea if I was the one who wrote Charlieâs Story , that she liked listening to me talkâto what she called the sweet, innocent timbre of my voiceâand that maybe I could make this voice work on the page.
âIâm not as smart or talented as Max,â I said.
âNeither am I.â
âNot so,â I said.
âWell, who knows, Charlie?â she said. âBut you do have the main thing most writers begin with: you loved to read when you were young. Because no matter what other reasons writers may give for why they write, most of them, in the end, will tell you that what made them want to be writers was that they loved to read when they were kids, and that they wanted to be able some day to write books that would be for others like the books theyâd loved when they were growing up.â
âMax used to say pretty much the same thing when people asked him why he wrote,â I said.
âOh yes,â Seana said. âAnd your father said you had a great thirst for advenure, right? So what could be more of an adventure than making up a storyâcreating a world that never actually existed, and peopling it with imaginary people you come to care about more than you often care about people you know, and all the whileâall the while, Charlieânever knowing whatâs going to happen to them next?â
âWhen you start writing your novels, you really donât know whatâs going to happen to the people in it?â
âNo,â Seana said.
âSounds good to me,â I said.
âSome writersâNabokov most famouslyâclaim they always know whatâs going to happen nextâthat a writer is like an omniscient god who controls the destinies of all his characters.â
âDoesnât