that?â
âMaybe,â I said. âBut all that stuff about ports and lonelinessâwhat was that all about? Some perverse way of⦠ofâ¦?â
âStuck for words, Charlie?â
âLetâs just forget it, okay?â I said. I picked up the check. âLetâs just forget it and blow this joint.â
âDo you have one?â
âVery funny,â I said. âBut you know what?â
âWhat?â
âYouâre not that funny,â I said. âYouâre weirdâIâll give you thatâandâlike some of the characters in your booksâwith a distinctive mean streak. For sure. But youâre not funny.â
âIâll take that as a compliment,â she said.
Â
A short while later, in the car, Seana fell asleep, her head against the window, a rolled up sweater for a pillow. She snored lightly, her mouth open, and I tried to stay angry at her for making me believe, if only for a moment, that my father was living on borrowed time, but then it occurred to me that maybe he really was, and that when she saw my reaction, she had changed course.
I wondered, though: What difference did it make if I knew for sureâif he knew for sureâif he and Seana knew for sure, or if none of us knew anything? I tried to imagine what he might do if he did knowâif heâd make any changes in the way he lived, and decided he wouldnât, which was when I realized that the idea of getting rid of the unused parts of his writing life might have come from the knowledgeâand fearâthat he wouldnât be here much longer, though a second later this led to the thought that the tag sale might have only been what it was: the kind of thing Max did now and then for no other reason than that he felt like doing it.
North of Portland, I turned off the main highwayâSeana
was awake now, but quietâand took a detour west toward Naples so we could swing by the place where Iâd gone to summer camp as a kidâCamp Kingswoodâand where Iâd been a counselor the first two summers I was at UMass. Iâd been to Maine a bunch of times in the years since Iâd been a camper and counselor thereâNick and Trish were married in Maine, and the year Nick and I graduated from UMass, weâd gone up there and had a wild few days with a group of friends, eight or ten of us, partying, drinking, and screwing our asses off.
Now, seeing Camp Kingswood againâleaves gone from the trees, you could see the old bunk houses, and the lake beyond, the lake calm, flat, and steel-gray in the autumn chillâI found myself telling Seana about how, starting with my first summer there, Iâd fallen in love, not so much with Maineâs lakes or coastline, but with its trees, the evergreens especiallyâpine, hemlock, juniper, and, my favorite, Norwegian spruce.
What Iâd loved about Maine, I said, was what Iâd come to love about Borneo, even though the two landscapes had hardly anything in common, and that was how thick and deep the forests were, along with my sense that they were stillâevergreen and hardwood here, tropical forests thereâthe way they might have been millions of years ago.
I talked about the different kinds of mangroves in the coastal regions of Borneo and how their root systems looked like tangles of swollen spider webs, and I talked about peat swamp forests, and how they could burst into flame spontaneously, or be set on fire by people clearing them, and how the fires could rage over hundreds of acres for months at a time and were almost impossible to extinguish because so much of the burning went on below ground, in the deepest layers of the peat. And I talked about forests Iâd been to on my most recent visit to KalimantanâDipterocarp forestsâprobably at the same time Seana had been moving in with Max. About every four yearsâIâd been lucky enough to be there when it