The No. 2 Global Detective

Read The No. 2 Global Detective for Free Online

Book: Read The No. 2 Global Detective for Free Online
Authors: Toby Clements
Wikipedia.’
    â€˜Furthermore, he has recently experienced a stressful bereavement, but when he – slightly dehydrated and a novice practitioner of the Alexander technique; right arm around the wicket; a decent cook; moderate drinker (by which I mean he does not drink very much, not that he is a drinker and a moderate); early interest in philately replaced by ornithology and bicycles – employs the term ‘assegai’, he is referring to the spear that Shaka the Zulu developed in the early part of the 19th century, and which his impis generally used as a stabbing weapon in close-quarter combat. He has, as is usual with men his age, watched too many films.’
    The Dean sighed impatiently but the new man went on.
    â€˜More correctly the term ‘assegai’, or ‘assagai’, originally from the Berber ‘zaġāyah’ for ‘spear’, via the French ‘azagaie’ and the Spanish ‘azagaya’, which more accurately comes from the Arabic ‘az-zaġāyah’, is a weapon for throwing or hurling, usually some light spear or javelin made from wood and with an iron tip.’
    â€˜Well, exactly,’ interrupted the Dean, pointing to the spear that stuck out of Claire’s chest.
    The man stepped around the desk with precise steps. He bent down and studied the spear rather than Claire. Tom wondered if he had actually noticed that it was stuck in a dead body.
    â€˜This assegai is, I suspect, judging by the length of its shaft and the
mopane
wood used, and look here – the way the blade is attached – yes, definitely this assegai is almost certainly turn of the century before last, from one of the tribes on the western limits of South Africa, perhaps the
Batlhaping
or the
Bakgalagadi
or perhaps the
Buhurutsi
or
Barolong
. I will not be able to tell for certain until I see the tip of the blade.’
    â€˜I’ll ring the police,’ said Tom reaching for the phone on the Librarian’s desk.
    â€˜Wait!’ The Dean caught Tom’s wrist in a surprisingly powerful grip and held it firm.
    â€˜Let’s just think about this for a minute, shall we?’ he said quietly.
    Tom almost laughed.
    â€˜You’re surely not going to suggest we
don’t
call the police, are you?’
    A silence followed. All three men looked at one another. Both the Dean and this new man were excited.
    â€˜Tom,’ began the Dean, talking to him, but looking at the arrival. ‘This sort of thing comes along only once in a generation. There is a chance to prove something here. Whose methods work best? The police, with their size 13 boots and flashing blue lights and stupid questions from men who can’t even write “bum” on a wall, or ours, with recourse to experimental scientific methods and recondite knowledge such as Wikipedia’s here.’
    Now Professor Wikipedia introduced himself with a long, thin, tepid hand. Tom shook it. It was like gripping a dead eel.
    â€˜Professor Aldous Wikipedia,’ he smiled, revealing two rows of tiny sharp teeth. ‘Reader in Scientific Detection and Pro-Vice Chancellor of the University. Pleased to meet you. The Dean is, if anything, understating the case here, Tom, if I may call you that?’
    Tom nodded.
    â€˜You see,’ continued Wikipedia. ‘With all this terrorism in the headlines, we have been losing ground to thrillers. You know the sort: government agencies, global conspiracies, multinationals and unknowable biochemical Jihadis with their dirty bombs lurking in every distant cave you care to mention. Death has become random now. It’s all suicide bombers and Operation Wrath of God. We need to get back to the personal again, Tom, where individuals can make a difference.
    â€˜It is a strange literary fact, not wholly germane to our conversation, true, but worth noting nonetheless, that those people who vote ‘to get the government off their backs’ always

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