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to freely discussing anatomy, sexual desire, and self-pleasuring are in large part shaped by the media. Watch any TV show on a network that targets women (especially college-age women), and you’ll see an endless repetition of commercialstouting tampons and pads and antidepressants and alcohol and feminine hygiene products (which should be pulled from the market, in my opinion, because they can easily cause irritation and make women feel that their natural body odors, or lack thereof, need to be covered up with a chemical spray).
    The message is clear: a woman’s body has “odors” that should be masked. A woman has “medical conditions” that need drugs so she can get better. A woman can “have fun” only if she’s drinking some trendy kind of alcohol. Honestly, if an alien came to earth and saw only those commercials, he’d think that the women of our planet have serious issues with their bodies and their health! It really is a shame that so many women internalize these advertiser-driven messages that their bodily functions are off-kilter or embarrassing, and that their natural scent is something that needs to be washed away. If you come to believe that your vagina is something that’s sort of gross, then why would you want to touch it?
    I believe that every woman should be able to bring herself to orgasm. This is an extremely important aspect of having a happy and healthy sexual relationship. You need to know which positions and techniques are most pleasurable for your needs, and you need to be able to share these needs with your partner so he knows what to do to satisfy you. Some women can orgasm incredibly quickly, and some women take longer. If you don’t know your own anatomy, if you don’t know what to expect, and if you don’t practice at it, how will you ever know what will bring you the most joy in bed? It’s like learning to ride a bike. You can’t just hop on and ride. You have to learn how to center yourself so you don’t fall over.
    The same is true with masturbation. Female orgasms are highly personal. They don’t necessarily come naturally or easily. You have to be willing to explore how your own body works so that you can orgasm during masturbation and when you are with your partner.
    (Side note: Just as some women still feel the need for feminine hygiene products, one of the major myths about sex is that women will orgasm from penile thrusting alone. It’s just not true. No matter how hard or artfully your partner goes at it, at least half of women will never orgasm that way. That’s because female orgasm has little to do with the vagina and everything to do with the clitoris, which usually needs direct, rhythmic stimulation…and which is not located inside the vagina.)
    That said—and this is an extremely important point—I am not advocating that women masturbate all the time, either.
    Here’s a case in point: Vibrators are like magic buttons for clitoral stimulation, and that’s why women love them for masturbation and as sex toys used with partners. A vibrator’s strength isn’t the issue; it’ll either make you happy or it won’t. Ideally, what you want the vibrator to do is keep you happy when you aren’t able to have sex with your partner (for example, when one of you is traveling) or to help you learn more precisely what kinds of motions or stimulation turn you on the best.
    But—and here’s another one of those big buts—I am actually not a fan of vibrators or other sex toys for female masturbation because they do the same thing to women that chronic masturbation does to men. This is one of the big disagreementsI have with sex therapists, who often tell women to use a vibrator if they don’t have an orgasm easily.
    That might be okay for women who aren’t sexually active but still want the pleasures of masturbation. But I don’t think that’s good advice for those who are sexually active, because the ultimate goal is for them to have orgasms with their partners,