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laden sexual arena, how are we to treat those members of our society who bungee jump, body surf through pilings or race motorcycles? A cherished friend spends her vacations hundreds of meters under the ground, crawling through openings a gopher would reject with disdain. Should I judge her mentally incompetent because of this proclivity?
    When we argue that because of a single desire a person lacks the ability to give consent, we are headed for a safe, sane, boring society that will eventually stamp out every scintilla of excitement and adventure.
    A Submissive Writes About Submission
    This section has been written at my request, by Libby, a lovely and sensual submissive woman who has become my wife, partner and best friend. I’m providing it to give you a first-hand look at how one submissive sees her submission. Her words may not be true for all submissives, but she speaks for many. Throughout the editions, it is the single most-commented-upon section in the book; because it is such an important part, the third edition is carrying both our names as authors.
    I was quite squeamish as a kid, so when I told my childhood friends I was going to study biology in college they said, “You? I can’t imagine you dealing with bugs, guts and gross things. It used to make you sick to your stomach to see a piece of old spaghetti in the sink.” Well, yes, but once I was exposed to the lure of science I just couldn’t keep from it. I’m sure I would get a similar or even stronger reaction if I were to share my interest in being a submissive woman.
    In my everyday life, I’m a strong, competent and successful woman. Yet, even before I was exposed to the submissive role, I was called to it by my earliest childhood fantasies. My attraction to a submissive role is even stronger than the pull I feel toward my chosen professional life, because I was called to it from a place deep within me. I’m not sure how the seeds of submission were planted within me, but I am driven to nurture those seeds into full bloom by “following my bliss,” as Joseph Campbell would say.
    So, what is submission to me? To me, submission is a desire to be special or significant. My earliest fantasies, and they were when I was very young, always involved being somehow chosen and desired. I will borrow here from the image of the goddess who is a composite of virgin, maiden and crone to describe how these forces, desires and needs coalesce within me as and reach expression through submission. The part of me that is virgin wants to always be able to approach new things in an open-minded and curious way without giving a thought to my own security. The part of me that is maiden seeks to explore passion and creativity. The chance to explore passion, sensuality and sexuality within the framework of safety that the virgin enjoys takes freedom onto the path of liberation. The crone is the wisdom part of me that is self-assured enough to look at my dark desires. If the virgin can be safe to enjoy the erotic pleasure that is awakened in the maiden, then crone may risk to surrender herself to the dark side of her soul.
    Facing my uncensored soul, without turning away, looking aside or getting preoccupied in divergent energy interferences, I see a desire to surrender completely to another who is that one special person with whom I find mutual love, affection and emotional trust. Being able to do this makes me integrated, complete and whole. As the two of us become absorbed in each other we become increasingly unified and soul mates. There is always the polarity of the dominance and submission to keep our bond alive and vital.
    Levels of submission
    Philosophically, I have been developing a way of looking at levels of submission. In this model, trust is an integral part. I have categorized three levels of submission: fantasy, clarity and transparency. The fantasy level is where everyone starts out, and for many this is sufficient. The BDSM fantasies are varied and unique as