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primary distraction for years and he needed it now more than ever.
    He called up the file and read the first few lines of what he had written. A knock at the door interrupted him. It was slow, hesitant, and soft. Ross considered the short list of who might be on the other side.
    In the two years he had been dating Mattie, it was understood his house was off-limits. He had never invited her there and she never asked, at least not after the first time. The fact that she knew where he lived went without saying.
    Dan, his boss, had only come to the house when things with Sarah had gotten dire. He had been Ross’s friend once, a relationship Ross had strained by causing one too many problems at work. If it were Dan outside now, it could only mean that he’d learned what Ross had done with Arlene Pope and had come to let him know he had no choice but to fire him.
    Ross didn’t keep close friends, or distant ones for that matter. All of his acquaintances were back in New York, undoubtedly buying into some small town legend contrived to explain his disappearance. He’d be lying if he said he missed rural living and gossip.
    The only other possibilities were the people who lived on either side of him. He didn’t feel like dealing with neighbors.
    “I’m busy. Go away,” he said.
    The knocking continued.
    “I’m working. Please leave.”
    “Ross, open the door. We need to talk.”
    It was Mattie.
    Ross sprang up from the couch to answer the door.
    Mattie wouldn’t have come unless she planned to forgive him. He didn’t know until that moment that it was what he had wanted.
    “Mattie, what are you doing here?”
    Mattie had changed clothes, opting for jeans and an oversized sweatshirt in place of her sexy dress and heels. Her hair was twisted into a knot at the back of her head and her eyes were red from crying.
    Her gaze settled on his wedding band.
    “Can we talk?”
    Ross didn’t know what to say. His mind was sending mixed signals. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He had left her apartment to avoid confrontation, to let things cool off, and to give them time and space to think before either of them said something else they’d regret.
    “Ross, I’m sorry. I have to do this now or I won’t do it at all.” Mattie pushed past him into the living room. Her eyes fixed on Sarah’s jacket. “I can see why you haven’t invited me here.” Her mouth bent into a frown.
    “Mattie, I’m sorry about dinner and about what I said.” Ross could not bear to repeat it.
    “Do you always wear your ring?”
    Ross shook his head. “Not always. No.” There was no answer that wouldn’t hurt her.
    He sat on the couch.
    She sat on the ottoman in front of him, wringing her hands.
    “I shouldn’t have come to dinner tonight,” he said. “This case I’m working has brought up a lot of feelings, thoughts about Sarah.”
    “Please, I can’t hear her name right now.” Mattie, who would have normally comforted him, shifted back in her seat. “What am I to you, Ross?”
    He wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but he didn’t like her tone. “Excuse me?”
    “What … am … I … to … you?” She paused between each word. “Am I a security blanket? A coping mechanism? A convenience?”
    “No. It’s nothing like that.” He reached for her hand and she crossed her arms.
    “Then what?”
    Ross opened his mouth to answer. Nothing came out.
    “That’s what I thought,” she said. “You know, I knew the risk when I pushed you to go out with me. I kept thinking you’d learn to cope. I convinced myself that you, of all people, could get past what had happened to you, but whenever you get too close, you put the wall back up. Two weeks ago we were talking about the future and now, nothing. You shut me out like you always do.”
    He’d have denied the fact, except it was absolutely true. His heart was unreachable.
    He didn’t know how many times he could apologize, but it was all that came to mind. “I’m