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amount of CCTV cameras there should provide enough views to keep security entertained for a week.
    â€˜Stop it!’ she scolded herself. ‘You don’t even know that any such thing happened!’
    â€˜What, love?’ asked Alan.
    â€˜Oh … nothing … you know me … just talking to myself again.’
    As they drove home, Mel suddenly realised that she hadn’t fed the children, the cat or the dog. The cat at least, could go out through his catflap, but … Oh God! the dog hadn’t been out all day! His bladder wasn’t well controlled at the best of times! She hadn’t even noticed where the pets had been when she left the house. They could have had a dirty protest anywhere in the house. The cat had been known to relieve himself in the most inappropriate places despite having free access to the outside world when he was miffed about something. She sighed.
    â€˜Mummy!’ called Michael. ‘I’m hungry and I need to go for a wee!’
    â€˜So do I!’ piped up Amy.
    There was no denying it, she had been negligent. The children hadn’t been allowed to attend to their basic functions for nearly two hours and they’d hardly eaten a thing since their lunch of sandwiches. It was no good … she would have to stop at a pub or a café or something for them to go to the loo. Easier said than done during rush hour in London.

12
    â€˜Anyway Kelly, I don’t know what they were talking about because you know I haven’t a clue about finance. I mean, Alan works in a bank is all I know.’
    Kelly and Mel were in Kelly’s back garden, drinking Pimm’s and being civilised whilst their children played in the paddling pool with large quantities of inflatable animals and water pistols. Several dolls lay face down with at least one limb missing, bobbing about in the water.
    â€˜So what did you do when you found Iggy bloated on the floor surrounded by prawns and poo? Where was Ozzie?’
    â€˜Ozzie had gone off in disgust. I think he had scratched open the prawn bag and had something to do with pushing it off the work top onto the floor. Then, knowing Ozzie, he had his fill and disappeared out of the cat flap, leaving Iggy to take all the blame.’
    When Mel and entourage had entered the house the evening before, she had been relieved to see that the animals had been shut in the already nasty kitchen. Gesturing for everyone to sit in the living room, Mel had bravely gone into the kitchen alone. Nothing could have prepared her for the scene of devastation which met her eyes. There were prawns and swirls of animal poo everywhere and Iggy Pop was hiding under the table with his head under his paws. He was all puffed up and letting out the most disgusting farts. Poor Iggy couldn’t even look Mel in the eye. His ears were all swollen and his eyes were half closed. He looked like a Zeppelin. She called Alan through. ‘Pooergh!’ observed Alan as he closed the door behind him. ‘What’s been going on in here? It looks like something from Apocalypse Now !’
    â€˜Feel Iggy’s ears! Do you think he’s having an anaphylactic reaction? We’d better get the vet.’
    Alan called the vet whilst Mel gave drinks to his boss and the children, excused herself and made an attempt to sort out the worst of the mess. Iggy looked mournfully out of his eye slits and whimpered and farted to himself.
    And so it was that she gave the children beans on toast and left them with Alan and his boss while she took Iggy the Puff Dog to the vet. Poor Iggy could never have prawns again. It was her own stupid fault for leaving ready meals and bags of prawns out on the worktop when she had gone to pick Alan up. The dog had some injections and started to deflate. Soon he was allowed home.
    It was pretty late for the children by the time she returned home and so as she got them to bed, Alan heated up the meals.
    She was so glad the ordeal was