Read The Man Who Ivented Florida for Free Online

lumbered toward the shrunken figure in the bed. "I told you about that," he said.
    To Tucker, the dim figure yelled, "Make him leave me alone!" Then to Joseph: "Go away, you red devil, or I'll buzz the nurses' station and have the orderlies tie you down again!"
    Joseph found the plastic tube running from the sack into the old man and pinched off the flow. "Take it back. Say I ain't a Seminole."
    Bright Eyes moaned, "Are you trying to kill me?"
    Tucker was right there beside Joseph, and he whispered, "Hey Joe—will that really kill him?"
    Joseph shrugged. "If it don't, I can choke him," he said.
    Tucker turned to the figure and directed hastily, "Say he ain't a Seminole. Say it real nice like." He didn't particular care about the old man, but for Joseph to get mixed up in a murder trial now would completely screw up his plans.
    "Okay, okay," hollered the man, "you are not a Seminole." His gaze swung to Tucker. "Now please get this stinking Indian away from me!"
    Joseph released the tube, saying, "That's better." Bending over the man, he added, "I won't stand for disrespect." Then he turned and tottered back toward the window, which is when he noticed the sack Tucker was carrying. "Hey," he said, "you bring me a present? Nice can of snuff, maybe?"
    Tucker pulled out the plastic bottle and held it up to the window. "Better than that. I got something here that's gonna fix you right up."
    "Hum," said Joseph, clicking his tongue softly. "White liquor, maybe? Only, hey—this looks kinda yella. You ain't playin' no trick on me. It better not be—"
    "It ain't whiskey, and I ain't playing no trick, you old fool." Tucker put his hand on Joseph's shoulder and began to whisper. "I got a favor to ask, Joe. Big favor that could do a lot of good for us both. Say—I bet they make you take a lot of drugs and stuff here, huh."
    Joseph's mind drifted away, then drifted back again. "Nothin' any fun. I just take pills. All kinds a colors a pills. The fat nurse brings them."
    "From now on, I don't want you to take another pill. Not a one."
    "But it's my medicine."
    "Hell, you don't look sick to me. You feel poorly?"
    "Dang right I feel poorly. I'm old."
    "I'd do it for you, Joe. I truly would. You wanted me to stop taking my pills, I do it in a second. Just 'cause we're friends."
    Joseph said, "Sure, you can say that. But they stick 'em up your butt, you don't take them. They got about six or seven orderlies here, and I ain't as young as I used to be."
    Tucker was shaking his head, a pained expression on his face. "Just pretend to take 'em. Gawldamn, you're stupid! No wonder you ended up in this shit hole, without me around to do your thinking."
    Joseph gave him a flat look of warning. "I ain't that old, Tucker."
    Tucker Gatrell said, "Okay, okay, okay," and began to whisper some more. After a few minutes, Joseph said, "Roscoe's nuts growed back? So what?" Tucker whispered again, and then Joseph said, "I'm the one they got locked up, but you're the crazy one."
    Tucker said, "There ain't nothing in the world crazy about it. This water's got vitamins in it . . . minerals. Something. You know what they got now? Hell, they got whole stores now that sell nothing but vitamins. And you go to a grocery store, they got shelves and shelves of water. People actually pay money for it! This here's like two things wrapped up in one."
    Joseph's mind drifted away for a moment, and he said, "My granddaddy, he used to tell me about that."
    Tucker said, "Damn right!" But then he said, "Tell you about what?"
    Joseph reached for the bottle. "Let me have a taste. I'll tell you if it makes me feel any healthier."
    "Well, you ain't gonna notice it right off, ya idiot. Takes time." Tucker jabbed a finger at the side of his head. "I was drinking the water for only about a month when this here ear I lost in a fight started to grow back."
    "You didn't lose that ear in a fight," Joseph said dubiously. "Some whore chewed it off down when we was in Caracas."
    "Nicaragua,"