Read The Lowland for Free Online

unsteady, adding to the challenge. Subhash had noticed this previously, in recent weeks—an occasional tremor as his brother adjusted the radio dial, or framed the air in front of his face in the course of saying something, or turned the pages of the newspaper.
    Subhash remembered climbing over the wall of the Tolly Club. This time, Subhash wasn’t afraid of being caught. Perhaps it was foolish of him, but something told him that such a thing could happen only once. And he was right, no one noticed what they did, no one punished them for it, and a few minutes later they were crossing the bridge again, quickly, smoking cigarettes to calm themselves down.
    This time it was only Udayan who was giddy. Only Udayan who was proud of what they’d done.
    Subhash was angry with himself for going along with it. For still needing to prove he could.
    He was sick of the fear that always rose up in him: that he would cease to exist, and that he and Udayan would cease to be brothers, were Subhash to resist him.
    After their graduate studies ended, the brothers were among so many others in their generation, overqualified and unemployed. They began tutoring to bring in money, contributing their earnings to the household. Udayan found a job teaching science at a technical high school close to Tollygunge. He seemed satisfied with an ordinary occupation. He was indifferent to building up a career.
    Subhash decided to apply to a few Ph.D. programs in the United States. Immigration laws had changed, making it easier for Indian students to enter. In graduate school he’d begun to focus his research on chemistry and the environment. The effects of petroleum in the ocean, nitrogen runoff in rivers and lakes.
    He thought it was better to broach it with Udayan first, before bringing it up with his parents. He hoped his brother would understand. He suggested that Udayan should go abroad, too, where there were more jobs, where it might be easier for both of them.
    He mentioned the famous universities that supported the world’s most gifted scientists. MIT. Princeton, where Einstein had been.
    But none of this impressed Udayan. How can you walk away from what’s happening? There, of all places?
    It’s a degree program. It’s only a matter of a few years.
    Udayan shook his head. If you go, you won’t come back.
    How do you know?
    Because I know you. Because you only think of yourself.
    Subhash stared at his brother. Lounging back on their bed, smoking, preoccupied by the papers. He was reading an article about Kanu Sanyal’s recent arrest.
    You don’t think what you’re doing is selfish?
    Udayan turned a page of the newspaper, not bothering to look up. I don’t think wanting to make a difference is selfish, no.
    This isn’t a game you’re playing. What if the police come to the house? What if you get arrested? What would Ma and Baba think?
    There’s more to life than what they think.
    What’s happened to you, Udayan? They’re the people who raised you. Who continue to feed and clothe you. You’d amount to nothing, if it weren’t for them.
    Udayan sat up, and strode out of the room. A moment later he was back. He stood before Subhash, his face lowered. His anger, quick to flare, had already left him.
    You’re the other side of me, Subhash. It’s without you that I’m nothing. Don’t go.
    It was the only time he’d admitted such a thing. He’d said it with love in his voice. With need.
    But Subhash heard it as a command, one of so many he’d capitulated to all his life. Another exhortation to do as Udayan did, to follow him.
    Then, abruptly, it was Udayan who went away. He traveled outside the city, he did not specify where. It was during a period that the school he worked in was closed. He informed Subhash and his parents the morning of his departure that he’d made this plan.
    It was as if he were heading out for a day, nothing but a cloth bag over