should say something sweet but not overly sappy. Something appropriate but heartfelt.
LikeâIâm thinking of you. (Not in a weird way.)
âYour strictly internet friend, Bucker
Given the circumstances, I decided to wait on telling her about the University of Texas. I put my phone in my pocket and thought maybe I would tell Willa instead. But then she came out of her bedroom with her eyes still closed and ran directly into a wall, so I thought maybe it could wait.
Besides, I wasnât sure I was ready to tell anybody yet.
For some reason it felt like it had to be a secret, like maybe if I said it out loud it would become real. And so many real things disappeared.
FIVE
Frances
I slept from ten in the morning until eleven in the morning and then I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand.
I read a message from Bucker. I closed my eyes and imagined a bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on my bureau. I wrote him back:
Something appropriate but heartfelt. I like that. I think it speaks for itself. And thank you for the flowers; I think I might be allergic, but it was a nice gesture.
I pressed the button on my phone and said, âCall Arrow.â
âWho would you like me to call?â
âArrow.â
âOkay. What would you like me to do?â
âCall Arrow.â
âOkay. Would you like to send Arrow a message?â
âGo fuck yourself.â
âThat is not a validââ
I turned off my useless robot and dialed my cousinâs number myself. She answered after the fourth ring. Clearly asleep.
âWhy did I watch six hours of
Buffy
by myself last night?â she said.
âI have a very good explanation for that.â
âAnd I would love to hear it in, I donât know, three hours? Call me later?â
âCan I come over? Iâm gonna come over.â
âI donât think so. I mean later, sure. Come over later. Right now is not a greatââ
âIâll see you in few.â
I hung up on her and got dressed quickly, running a brush through my hair without looking in the mirror.
Arrow lived just next door. I let myself in the back. My aunt Florence was chopping veggies in the kitchen. I felt like my aunt Florence was always chopping veggies in the kitchen.
âHi, Frances! What a nice surprise.â
I came over every day, multiple times a day, and Aunt Florence was always nicely surprised to see me.
âHi, Aunt Florence.â
âDid you have breakfast? I have oatmeal made! And all manner of accoutrements.â
Aunt Florence generally used words like
accoutrements,
but she didnât generally cry while chopping veggies, so thatâs how I knew she knew. She was my momâs sister, after all.
âYou know about my mother, huh?â I said.
Aunt Florence put her veggie-chopping knife on the cutting board and wiped her hands on her apron. She always wore aprons, and I had never seen her wear the same one twice, which led me to believe she owned too many aprons.
âOh, honey. Iâm so sorry,â she said.
âIâm sorry too. And Iâm sorry everybody lied to me,â I said. Then I shrugged and got a bowl of oatmeal and went upstairs.
Arrow was sitting cross-legged on her bed, her eyes closed and her breathing deep. Morning meditations. I didnât know where sheâd picked it up from, but she meditated every morning and night. She said she wasnât herself if she skipped a day. I sat at her desk until she was done. I ate my oatmeal.
Arrow was adopted from Vietnam when she was threeyears old. She had short straight hair and yellow-rimmed glasses she used for reading. She was wearing bright-pink shorts and a bright-yellow top. It didnât strictly match.
When she opened her eyes, I said, âYou donât strictly match.â
âWell, youâre in a fun mood,â she said.
âI am not in a fun mood,â I said. I took the last bite of oatmeal and