Read The Life and Times of Innis E. Coxman for Free Online Page A

digit on the ground. My exhilaration plummeted
with his erection. He flopped with agony as someone rushed to the principal’s
office to call for an ambulance.
    And
my father.
     
    ***
     
    I
dove through the Vadgastank’s rose bushes with military precision.The
thorns were of minor irritation, though their new razor wire ripped into my
flesh like a scythe. Shaking free of the snags, I shot up and jerked my head
this way and that. A heavy presence loomed on my neck. I slowly turned around
expecting the hands of madness to encircle me.
    It
was my own shadow.
    I
gathered my nerves and blurred through Mrs. Vadgastank’s backyard, jumping her
topless body as she tanned by the pool. Whizzing over her busty figure, I
proffered sexy salutations:
    “Hello, Saggy Tits!” The plastic surgeon hadn't done shit for those milkflaps.
    There
was no time to lose. My life hung in the balance and the string was unraveling.
    What’s gonna happen to my weed when I die? Kind bud
is expensive. I can't just let that shit go to was -
    I
couldn't afford to think about that. I had to keep running.
    Running
kept me alive.
    Running
kept me safe.
    The
Hellhound was close at hand.
     
    ***
     
    My
father picked me up from school after getting the phone call he’d always
dreamed of—the one informing him that I was responsible for maiming another
student and that the heft of my actions had failed to impress.
    A
pervert got his finger amputated as he spied on chicks during the most private
activity known to man. I couldn’t even shit concern, much less fake it.
    Of
course, Pops couldn’t grasp this logic. He couldn't view my courageous act for
what it was: a heroic gesture that stifled a loose sexual cannon and quenched
my thirst for vengeance. In his mind, I’d hoisted unprovoked violence on
another human being.
    He
parked his new Cadillac in the driveway and killed the engine. We shared an
uneasy quiet as the shiny dice dangling from his rearview mirror shot dancing
beams of light on the upholstery. I’d always wondered what a “deafening
silence” sounded like. I found it to be thunderous.
    After
a few pensive moments, he turned to me and said in a guttural voice, “Just
run.”
    Who
was I to argue with such sound advice?
     
    ***
     
    Pops
was gaining as I hauled ass toward the Quieftons’ gazebo.Standing in their
pagoda bent over with my hands on my knees, I panted and marveled at his
endurance.
    "Motherfucker!"
I gasped out loud. "How can a three-hundred-pound smoker move so
fast?!" It seemed that I had underestimated him.
    As
I cowered in the Quieftons’ summer house, I quickly tallied my odds and
concocted a plausible theorem: Pops was older and more accepting of failure,
whereas I was young and motivated to lose my virginity someday.
    Survival
was possible.
    I
heard him approaching with quaking steps and hurled over the railing, straight
into Mr. Quiefton’s attack dogs that he used in his security business. My
Adidas hit the dirt and I looked up to find four hungry Rottweilers staring
back at me in a dog pen only twenty feet in diameter. At least I think that was
the breed. The shoulder width and muscle structure gave the appearance of
two-thirds Rottweiler and one-thirds holy shiiiiiiiit! Their naps had
been interrupted, the rumbles coming from their throats revealing immense
displeasure with my intrusion. Had I known there were bloodthirsty canines
blocking my escape route, I would’ve let my father’s insanity take its course.
They growled and bared fangs, waiting for me to run so they could snack on my
nuts. Giving up seemed like my only option. I reconciled myself to becoming
Alpo.
    Just
when I felt the last rays of my sun sinking below the treeline forever, I
spotted a rolled-up newspaper a couple of feet from me that’d been hurled into
their backyard because the paperboy threw like a bitch. I knelt down and
snatched it up, hoping to have some defense when the land sharks pounced.
    I
quickly discovered that those