The Last Straw

Read The Last Straw for Free Online

Book: Read The Last Straw for Free Online
Authors: Jeff Kinney
the next few days, we could rent a limo for the night. But when I called the limo company, the guy who answered the phone called me "Ma'am." So that pretty much blew any chance he had of getting MY business.
    94
    Since the dance is next week, I realized I was gonna need something to wear.
    I'm kind of in a pinch because I've already worn most of the clothes I got for Christmas, and I'm almost out of clean stuff to wear. I went through my dirty clothes to see if there was anything I could wear a SECOND time.
    [Image: A boy throwing out the clothes from the bag.] The caption reads: "SHAKE SHAKE"
    I separated my laundry into two piles: one that I could wear again, and one that would get me sent down to Nurse Powell's office for a lecture on hygiene.
    [Image: A boy picks up a shirt from the pile.] The caption reads: "SNIFF"
    95
    I found a shirt in pile number one that wasn't so bad, except it had a jelly stain on the left-hand side. So at the dance, I'll just need to remember to keep Holly Hills to the right of me at all times.

    Valentine's Day

    I was up late last night making Valentine's cards for everyone in my class. I'm pretty sure my middle school is the only one in the state that still makes all the kids give cards to one another.
    Last year I was actually looking forward to the card swap. The night before Valentine's Day, I spent a lot of time making an awesome card for this girl named Natasha who I kind of liked.
    [Image: A love letter.]
    96
    I showed Mom my card to check for spelling errors, but she said what I wrote wasn't "age appropriate." She told me maybe I should just get Natasha a little box of candy or something, but I wasn't about to take romantic advice from my mother.
    At school everyone went around the room and put their Valentine's cards in one another's boxes, but I delivered my card to Natasha personally.
    [Image: A boy is giving a letter to the girl.]
    I let her read it, and then I waited to see what she made for ME.
    Natasha dug around in her box and pulled out this cheap store-bought card that was supposed to be for her friend Chantelle, who was out sick that day.
    97
    Then Natasha scribbled out her friend's name and put MY name on it instead.
    [Image: A letter with a cartoon on it.] The caption reads: "To: Greg From: natasha
    I think you're FAR OUT"
    Anyway, you can probably see why I wasn't too enthusiastic about the card exchange THIS year.
    Last night I came up with a great idea. I knew I had to make a card for everyone in the class, but instead of being all mushy and saying things I didn't really mean, I told everyone EXACTLY what I thought of them.
    98
    The trick was, I didn't actually SIGN any of my cards.
    [Image: Boys in a class.] The caption reads: "Dear James, you smell."
    A few of the kids complained about the cards to our teacher, Mrs. Riser, and then she went around the room trying to figure out who sent them. I knew Mrs. Riser would think that whoever DIDN'T get a card was the culprit, but I was prepared for that, because I made a card for MYSELF, too.
    [Image: A teacher talking to the boy.] The caption reads: "Dear Greg, I hate your guts."
    99
    After the card exchange came the Valentine's Dance. The dance was originally supposed to be at NIGHT, but I guess they couldn't get enough parents to volunteer to be chaperones. So they put the dance smack in the middle of the school day instead.
    The teachers started rounding everyone up and sending them down to the auditorium at around 1:00. Anyone who didn't want to cough up the two bucks for admission had to go down to Mr. Ray's room for study hall.
    But it was pretty obvious to most of us that "study hall" was basically the same thing as detention.
    [Image: A teacher sits at his desk in the class.]
    100
    The rest of us filed into the gym and sat in the bleachers. I don't know why, but all the boys sat on one side of the gym, and all the girls sat on the other. Once everyone was inside the gym, the teachers started the music. But whoever

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