in showing her gratitude sheâd ceded some ground to me she wished she hadnât. In our silence she walked upright and reserved for the first time. In the quiet of the haze lifting off the river, the air lightened between us. I noted something Iâd not seen on that evening of our first meeting: In Françoiseâs ears were earrings similar to those my mother woreâpellucid amber, shaped like playing marbles, casting tawny shadows on her cheek. Mist grew thick around the yellow glowing gaslights, comingled with Françoiseâs earrings. I found myself telling her that my mother had earrings just like the ones she wore.
âItâs not a good idea,â she said, âto tell a girl youâve just met that she reminds you of your mother.â
I spent some of the wad Johann Schmidt had gifted me on dinner and she talked to me about music Iâd never heard of.
âBill Monroe is not only the greatest American folksinger,â she said. âWhen he was a young boy, he was cross-eyed. He could not see. This is why he learned to play the mandolin the way he did.â She paused and took a breath. âWhen I was a child, I was cross-eyed, too. My mother saved all her earnings for many years. We had my eyes fixed. I believe it is why I can hear the music of Bill Monroe so clearly. But you canât tell they were ever crossed, can you.â
âNo,â I said. Over the smell of meat I could detect the heavy scent of patchouli oil on her skin. âNo, I would not ever have known.â
5.
One night two Saturdays later, after her set ended, Françoise asked me if I would like to accompany her to a party. She led me ten blocks into the thick of the city and over to Rochussen. Two girls Françoiseâs age awaited us. They were her bandmate Greta and their friend Rosemary. The party would be just the four of us, Françoise explained on our walk over. When for the first time I asked her what her friends did, how she knew them, she simply looked at me.
âWe work in the brothel,â she said. âWe play with our band there at times. And.â
I put my hands into my coat pockets and pushed my fingers against my palms. In Gretaâs flat, Bill Monroe was on the phonograph. We drank wine thin as vinegar. Greta arose to dance and pulled me up alongside her. I protested with the little Dutch I hadâI told her I was not a dancer, that I would prefer to watch. While my facility with Dutch wasnât enough to let me argue with them, I could comprehend their conversation.
âSo he is that kind, is he?â Greta said.
âI havenât yet discovered what kind he is,â Françoise said.
âYouâll have to find out yourselves,â I said.
I stood up and took Gretaâs hand. Did I imagine I was my tepid father in those moments of action, slipping along the Elbe away from my motherâs flirtations? I didnât. I pictured myself a painter unafraid to stand in another manâs home without a stitch of clothing, my paint-splattered trousers on his floor, attempting to speak reason to his son. Greta was a substantial girl, her brown hair twisted up like a bundle of kindling. She changed the record to some big-band music and danced up close to me while Rosemary moved against Françoise on the velvet-upholstered sofa on the opposite side of the room.
Rosemary stood and began to dance behind Greta. Then her hands were up under Gretaâs shirt. Greta began to kiss Rosemary. I had never seen women kiss each other. They grew more sensual. Rosemary lay Greta down and undressed her, then put her face down into Gretaâs lap and pleasured her until she let out a little shriek. This was the first time I had ever seen female genitalia, let alone tended to so. Françoise was watching along with me, and without giving me time to anticipate it, she kissed me. Sheâd had a lot of wine. Iâd had a lot of wine.
âTake me back into
Eve Paludan, Stuart Sharp