man’s sweat, a man she had never seen before and would never see again. It was nothing that she – the she that hid and listened through the door of the tiniest dark room left inside her, listened to whispers and the distant arrivals and departures of men – nothing that she had to think about.
She wondered instead about what had been put inside him, this man all dressed in black again, with his tall shining boots. What had filled those dark empty spaces inside him? Until, like her, there was nothing left but that ghostlike skin, the thin mask of one’s face.
The black-uniformed man leaned down to brush a dust speck from his shining boots. He stood up and nodded to her. “I hope you will be happy and in good health, and bear a fine child for your country.”
They told him to say that . The way she had been told, by her father and then Frau Hegemann. To say the things they wanted others to hear. He turned his eyes away, so she could not catch another glimpse of what had been hidden there.
He couldn’t look at her. But he laid his hand softly upon hers. Not to comfort her, she knew, but himself.
For only a moment. Then he was gone, the door closed behind him, and the room was empty again. In the bed, clutching the sheets to herself, she felt it all around her, the silent emptiness of the room, nothing at all inside it.
* * *
Liesel awoke, step by dragging step, her head aching and her eyelids stitched with fire.
The dead weight of Heinrich pressed against her, his arm slung possessively across her breasts. He snored gurgling into the damp pillow.
Her tongue moved through a sour taste in her mouth. She looked with deep loathing at the body half on top of her own.
“Get off me –” She managed to get one arm free and slapped him across the side of his head. Then again with her balled fist, hard enough to bring his dazed face into blinking semiconsciousness. “Get off me, goddamn it!”
SIX
One of the Lebensborn nurses stuck her head inside the hostel director’s office. “ Frau Hegemann – you had best come to the maternity section.”
The nurse was overexcited; that was not the way her superior should be spoken to. But Frau Hegemann did not take the time to correct the nurse now. Without even hearing them, she had been aware of the whispers that had disturbed the hostel’s tranquil spaces. Whatever had caused such a commotion was more important than scolding an impertinent nurse. Frau Hegemann rose from her desk. “I shall be right there.”
In the newborns’ room, a senior nurse nodded to the hostel director. Surrounded by the rows of cradles, the nurse held one bundled infant in her arms. The squalling of the other small creatures, and their damp, sweetish smell, hung in the air.
“I thought you should see this, Frau Direktor .” The senior nurse pulled back the hood of the infant’s wrappings, exposing its pink, soft face. Its eyes screwed tight, one small hand fussing against its cheek.
Frau Hegemann was aware of a gaggle of the younger nurses at the room’s door, hushing each other and standing on tiptoe to try and see around her back. She knew that if she turned around and stamped her foot, they would all scatter like frightened geese.
Instead, she ignored them and reached out to touch the infant’s forehead. “There seems nothing wrong with this child.” She didn’t know which girl had been its mother; there had been several due about this time.
The nurse, with a thumb and forefinger, gently pulled open the infant’s eyelids. The pink skin reddened, the toothless mouth opening in protest.
Frau Hegemann saw then, what was the matter.
The infant’s left eye was the delicate blue of just-born creatures. And the other eye, as beautiful and perfect, a deep golden-brown.
* * *
Liesel already knew why Frau Hegemann wanted to talk to her. The talk
She wondered instead about what had been put inside him, this man all dressed in black again, with his tall shining boots. What had filled those dark empty spaces inside him? Until, like her, there was nothing left but that ghostlike skin, the thin mask of one’s face.
The black-uniformed man leaned down to brush a dust speck from his shining boots. He stood up and nodded to her. “I hope you will be happy and in good health, and bear a fine child for your country.”
They told him to say that . The way she had been told, by her father and then Frau Hegemann. To say the things they wanted others to hear. He turned his eyes away, so she could not catch another glimpse of what had been hidden there.
He couldn’t look at her. But he laid his hand softly upon hers. Not to comfort her, she knew, but himself.
For only a moment. Then he was gone, the door closed behind him, and the room was empty again. In the bed, clutching the sheets to herself, she felt it all around her, the silent emptiness of the room, nothing at all inside it.
* * *
Liesel awoke, step by dragging step, her head aching and her eyelids stitched with fire.
The dead weight of Heinrich pressed against her, his arm slung possessively across her breasts. He snored gurgling into the damp pillow.
Her tongue moved through a sour taste in her mouth. She looked with deep loathing at the body half on top of her own.
“Get off me –” She managed to get one arm free and slapped him across the side of his head. Then again with her balled fist, hard enough to bring his dazed face into blinking semiconsciousness. “Get off me, goddamn it!”
SIX
One of the Lebensborn nurses stuck her head inside the hostel director’s office. “ Frau Hegemann – you had best come to the maternity section.”
The nurse was overexcited; that was not the way her superior should be spoken to. But Frau Hegemann did not take the time to correct the nurse now. Without even hearing them, she had been aware of the whispers that had disturbed the hostel’s tranquil spaces. Whatever had caused such a commotion was more important than scolding an impertinent nurse. Frau Hegemann rose from her desk. “I shall be right there.”
In the newborns’ room, a senior nurse nodded to the hostel director. Surrounded by the rows of cradles, the nurse held one bundled infant in her arms. The squalling of the other small creatures, and their damp, sweetish smell, hung in the air.
“I thought you should see this, Frau Direktor .” The senior nurse pulled back the hood of the infant’s wrappings, exposing its pink, soft face. Its eyes screwed tight, one small hand fussing against its cheek.
Frau Hegemann was aware of a gaggle of the younger nurses at the room’s door, hushing each other and standing on tiptoe to try and see around her back. She knew that if she turned around and stamped her foot, they would all scatter like frightened geese.
Instead, she ignored them and reached out to touch the infant’s forehead. “There seems nothing wrong with this child.” She didn’t know which girl had been its mother; there had been several due about this time.
The nurse, with a thumb and forefinger, gently pulled open the infant’s eyelids. The pink skin reddened, the toothless mouth opening in protest.
Frau Hegemann saw then, what was the matter.
The infant’s left eye was the delicate blue of just-born creatures. And the other eye, as beautiful and perfect, a deep golden-brown.
* * *
Liesel already knew why Frau Hegemann wanted to talk to her. The talk
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