me whatâs on her plate? Iâm not sure what it isâwe never had it in Brooklyn. They look like fat white worms, with pink lines on them. My father, who likes to taste things off her plate, doesnât touch them.
He holds up his wine glass to celebrate the reason for this dinner out: âTo our coming new member,â he says, reaching across the table to bang her glass, but she bangs too hard and he tips the glass and spills some wine on his pants.
âWash it out or it will stain,â my mother says; then, when he leaves the table, she quickly takes a pat of butter from the bread dish and drops it on top of his mashed potatoes. As it begins to melt, she leans across the table and mashes it in till it disappears.
âDonât breathe a word,â she says. âThis is an experiment.â I donât know what she is experimenting with, but I agree to keep her secret. Her eyes are sparkling in a way I never see. She looks alert and cheerful.
When my father comes back with a dark wet spot on his pants, right in front, as if he has made in his pants, he starts eating his food in great shovelfuls. His lamb chop and his green beans and his mashed potatoes.
My mother laughs out loud. He looks up and smiles because she is laughing. She looks so pretty; we almost never see her teeth. She throws back her head and laughs.
âWhat is it?â he says, still smiling. He is almost laughing himself.
âYou canât even tell,â she says.
âTell what?â
âYou canât tell whatâs in your mashed potatoes!â
âWhat?â he says. He looks down. His potatoes are gone. He puts his fork down. âWhat do you mean?â âTell him, Issa.â
They both look at me.
âMommy put butter in your potatoes.â
He stares at her.
âAnd you didnât even know the difference!â she says. She leans forward and stares at him. âAll that nonsense,â she adds. âYou can just forget about it.â
I know what this is about now. Being Jewish. Milk and meat canât go together. Milk is like butter, like ice cream, like cream cheese. There is some kind of rule he has that causes her trouble, or did, when she was cooking at home. She always had to keep his potatoes separate from mine, in which she put butter.
I touch my Jewish star and realize at once thatâs a mistake. She didnât even know I was wearing it and now sheâs looking at it, getting ready to start something. She never liked Gilda to take me to see Mrs. Esposito and she wouldnât let me wear the star after I got it, saying that jewelry was for special occasions, not for playing in the sandbox.
I never tried to wear it on the beach where I had to play in the sand every single day. But now Iâm worried.
â You can forget about that nonsense, too!â she says to me. She reaches behind my neck and tries to open the clasp with one hand, but she canât.
âDo it,â she says to my father. âI donât want her wearing that nonsense.â
âItâs hers,â he says. âIt belongs to Issa.â
âWhat does she know? Sheâs a baby. I donât want her head filled with that dovening baloney, all those old guys in beards doing a hocus-pocus act, donât do this, donât do that, eat this, eat that.â
He is getting angry that sheâs doing this. I wonder why she is, especially at a restaurant on a special night when we are all dressed up and looking beautiful.
She tells me to eat, not to waste this expensive food.
Now ? She shoves a forkful between my lips. Again, I have little squares of meat in my mouth that wonât go down. My father hasnât finished his lamb chop, but heâs certainly done eating.
âLeave her alone, Ruth,â he says. âDonât get worked up. Itâs not good for you.â
I think heâs wrong, she likes it. Itâs not good for us ; we hate it.
Then