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the past that he thought
things were real, like Laura could love him. Erik knew he was a
rainbow chaser, and at least to this point had found no pots of
gold. This morning seemed different. There was something tangible
and different this morning. He should be disgusted and ashamed.
He’d just been humiliated and beat up. This morning his emotions
had taken a different path than depression about his failures.
    He sat on the prairie with the morning sun beginning
to warm the land and he thought. He made no attempt to move the
pickup or himself.
    â€œ So this is what Aunt Mary and
Aaron Hanson were talking about. I’ve always known that He was
real, but He’s real, here, now,” and then
Erik spoke out loud, hoping he would be heard in place filled with
silence. ”He was really with me last night.
He was really with me and it seems like He’d been with me all
along. Maybe He has been. It’s just as my aunt and uncle told me.
You were here if I would acknowledge You. It’s hard to believe how
stupid I’ve been to hear about You and think that You were
somewhere far off when You, who I needed so much, were so
close.” But Erik’s declaration brought up
more questions.
    The land around him was still barren. The aches from
the prior night’s fight still stung, but something was different.
How could God be in such a place?
    He continued to sit in the pickup and he rolled these
thoughts around in his mind as if he was rolling a piece of sweet
candy in his mouth. For several hours he simply sat with a sense of
calm. The only doubt he had was how God could love someone like
him.
    But what would he do now? He knew he couldn’t talk to
his aunt and uncle until he was sure. They had heard too many of
his pipe dreams, but the more he sat there and tried to talk to God
under his breath, the more he knew he wasn’t the same. Most things
go away the more you question them, but his sense of His presence
grew stronger.
    One other reality couldn’t be avoided. He was
starved. He decided to drive to Fairfield since it was too early
and himself too much of a mess to field his aunt’s questions. She
would be mad and complain that he hadn’t let her know where he was.
It was rare for Erik to stay away overnight. But he could deal with
that later. It seemed like there was much more to deal with and
understand besides his aunt’s displeasure.
    Erik started the pickup’s engine, but let it idle
much longer than needed. He was in no hurry. He steered the pickup
back along the route of the night before, from a place with no road
to dirt road, from dirt road to gravel, and finally from gravel to
black top pavement. He drove south and then turned west directly
towards Fairfield. He knew he needed a meal, but knew nothing else.
Things had changed, but he didn’t know exactly what had changed, or
what it meant.
    The morning sun was beginning to heat the land even
at this early morning. He rolled down a window and felt the breeze
whip his hair across his face. The cuts on his face still stung,
but the sensation made him feel normal. Pain was a feeling he knew
more than any other.
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    ***
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    There was only one restaurant open on Sunday mornings
in Fairfield, the Glacier Inn. The front of the restaurant looked
the same as the other stores containing hardware or clothing on
Main Street. However, the main street was empty on a Sunday morning
except for in front of the Glacier. It would be clear even to a
passing tourist that this was the place to stop. Erik knew that The
Glacier Inn would have every table filled on a Sunday morning and
then again about noon when the church services were over. The city
folks and farm families had worked hard all week and a Sunday
breakfast at the Inn was their chance to forget the work and laugh
with neighbors. Erik knew he would have to wait for a table, but
didn’t care. He did care that most of the people in line knew him,
and would