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recent profile in [ FM magazine] of the “Cutest Couples on Campus” has herswearing to “stick by [Gregory] no matter what happens.” (Incidentally, Bolton—rumored to be under “house arrest” imposed by family attorneys in Manhattan—could also not be reached for comment.)
    Constantine and Bolton met this past winter during a New Year’s Eve party at the Ritz. According to various classmates, they have been “attached at the hip” ever since, and though the pair has been together only a few short months, friends describe their relationship as: “serious—very serious.” Pictures of the couple can also be found in the aforementioned [ FM magazine] piece.
    Ooo la la! Is it just me or does it seem like those two could live on looks alone?
    In conclusion, Gregory: whether you emerge unscathed or if the old adage “like father, like son” proves altogether too true, this reporter can be reached @lizbarker in the event that your relationship fails to withstand the scandal(!).
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    “N ow repeat after me,” said Tyler Green from where he stood at the head of the largest banquet table in the Hasty Pudding social club. “I solemnly swear—”
    “‘I solemnly swear,’” Callie muttered along with the rest of the club members who were seated in the dining room anxiously awaiting their lunch.
    “That I am not responsible for any of the events that led to the publication of our Punch Book,” Tyler boomed, peering slowly around the room.
    “‘That I am not responsible for any of the events that led to the publication of our Punch Book,’” the members chorused.
    “Nor am I the author of the series of Ivy Insider articles,” Tyler continued.
    A sharp elbow caught Callie in the ribs. “Louder,” Vanessa, who was sitting next to Callie, instructed under her breath. Callie glared at her but nonetheless raised her voice in time for Tyler’s next missive.
    “Nor am I the source for the aforementioned series of articles.”
    Mimi’s stomach grumbled from where she sat on the other side of Callie. “ S’il vous plaît , just confess already, before I starve to my death,” Mimi murmured as everyone repeated, “‘Nor do I have any knowledge of the individual or individuals responsible for these traitorous acts.’”

    “Mimi!” Vanessa managed in hushed tones, keeping her eyes trained straight ahead. “This. Is not. The time. For jokes!”
    “If anyone does have information pertaining to the events of the past few days,” called Tyler, ending the session of Simon Says (otherwise known as “The Initiative to Reaffirm Our Loyalty”) and pacing around the room, “please come forward immediately. Even the smallest seemingly insignificant details,” he continued, making eye contact with first Vanessa, then Mimi, and then Callie as he passed their table, “could prove relevant to exposing the asshole who did this. Now Ian,” said Tyler, turning to the computer science major responsible for club security, “are you still absolutely certain that this was an inside job?”
    Ian nodded from where he sat at one of the other tables. “As I’ve told you already, it’s simply not possible my system was hacked. Whoever did it had the correct password.”
    “Are you sure?” Tyler pressed.
    “Do you think the United States Department of Defense would have just paid me an obscene amount of money to license my software if it didn’t work?”
    “No,” said Tyler. “No I don’t. But I would have preferred to believe that than the alternative: that the Ivy Insider is currently in this room.”
    Callie swallowed. From across the way a girl who had temporarily unraveled herself from the arm of the boy sitting next to her smiled.
    This smile was different from her usual I-know-your-deepest-darkest-secret grin or the oft-appearing corollary,I-look-genuinely-happy-only-because-I-am-picturing-your-violent-or-publicly-humiliating-demise smirk.
    This was the smile of victory, lighting the face that haunted