anarchist. You were deported from the U.S. in 1920. This office cannot help you. Itâs D.C. Iâm just not sure what to tell you. Deported? An anarchist charge? Donât you see?â
âIâm not an anarchist.â
âThatâs not what the file here says.â
âMy children are Americans. Surely that must mean something?â
âNo. Iâm sorry. Listen,â he begins again in a whisper, âit says that you are an anarchist. You are, by some definitions, un-American. Unfit for entrance. Youâll have to wait for Washington to overturn such a charge.â
âBut please, between you and me, there must be someone here who can help me. Contact Washington? At least inquireââ
âWeâre not permitted.â
Silence. He can hear a typewriter striking up from behind a row of filing cabinets that stand like sentries.
âNot permitted,â Austin repeats.
âNo. Look. Do you see what it says here?â the clerk opens the file, turning it upright for Austin to read. The clerkâs cuff links, ring, and watch face catch the light. âSee this? Clause âdâââ
(d) That said AUSTIN VORONKOV is an ANARCHIST and believes in the overthrow by force of violence of the Government of the United States and that he disbelieves in and is opposed to all organized government.
âI can explain,â Austin pleads.
âStill, our office is not permââ
âAll right, all right,â Austin says. He is leaning close to the glass, can feel his cheek graze its cold, smooth surface. The row of ceiling lights shine in a line of white along the pane. How heâd like to shatter the glass, the typing like steady pinpricks. His breath fast and quick. He sputters his lips, bows his head, and steps away from the partition, arms slack and at his sides, though he feels a throbbing along his jaw and neck. He shakes his head.
Not permitted, not permitted.
He takes his first slow steps away from the partition. He is letting it settle in with each stride,
not permitted, not permitted
. And what is this now, but panic, the heart flutter and chest constricting, the sudden blush as if heâd come down with an instant fever. His envelope, his postcard! He looks around. Why do all these people stare so? The clerk is tapping on the glass partition. He waves Austinâs envelope in irritation. Two long strides and Austin is back before the clerk.
âNot permitted,â Austin says, grabbing his envelope of documents. âWell, here is what Iâm permitted to say to you: I see that you are married,â he continues, motioning to the small gold band on the clerkâs ring finger. The clerk retracts his hand.
âYou seeâwhen you have children of your own,â Austin says, âremember me and how you were ânot permittedâ to help me. Remember me. Does your stamp there show that I am a husband, a father? No! So, I donât want it! You have it! Why should I want a stamp from a country that threw me out? You say, âyes,â and stamp, and âno,â and stamp. You are a cog! Do you realize this? A cog. You are a speck on the surface of my life! So you can have your stamps and your papers and your ink-stained, filthy fingers and when you go home at night, kiss your wife, eat dinner, put your children to bed, think for a moment if you were denied all of it, all of itâthe smell of your wife, the sticky hands of your children, the earth and air smell of their hair from play outside. Think then for a moment and remember me. It is you, and all the men like you, who have caused boys to have no father, a girl to have no father. I did not make this choice! So, please.â
âWe cannot do anything,â the clerk says. He swallows, his Adamâs apple like a knot of contrition. He sits motionless.
âPlease.â
âIâm afraid we are not