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her throat. A polite, if you say so. She darts her eyes between Neal and me, looking for something, anything, she can comment on to cut me down.
    “Justin?” Neal says, offering his hand to my ex-boyfriend who can barely meet his eyes.
    Justin’s always been self-conscious about his height – he’s 5’5” on a good day – but around Neal he can no longer swallow it. Neal towers over him, like most of the men in the room, broad shouldered where Justin is slight, a slightly hooked nose where Justin’s is round and flat. He shakes Neal’s hand with a tight jaw, fingers pressing hard into his, asserting dominance where dominance isn’t supposed to be necessary. Neal raises an eyebrow and I know he’s picked up on it, the strange power dynamics that shift between the four of us, the awkward, silent conversation we’re all having in our heads.
    “Neal…Dietrich, right?” Justin says. Neal nods. “Don’t you work for Lee Geon?”
    Neal ducks his head and smiles. “Guilty.”
    “Lee Geon?” Suzanne says, squinting as she thinks. “Doesn’t he hate your father?” she says to me.
    “Lots of people hated my father,” I say.
    Neal pulls me closer. “And I wasn’t one of them. Even though he and my boss didn’t get along, I would be stupid to ignore all that Julian’s done for the financial climate of Chicago. So it’s only right I take a little time off to pay my respects.”
    “Huh,” Justin says, unimpressed.
    “So let me get this straight,” Suzanne says. “And I apologize for being a little dense but. Are you still in Baltimore?” she asks me.
    “Yes,” I say.
    She points to Neal. “And you’re in Chicago?”
    Neal nods. “You’ve got it.”
    “ Oh ,” Suzanne says, her words evolving into a deep chuckle in her throat. “I don’t know how you two do it. You’re both so brave to tackle that whole long distance relationship thing. I know we couldn’t do it, right Justin?”
    Justin locks eyes with me and I press a little closer to Neal.
    Towards the unknowing end of our relationship it became apparent that it was all about proximity for Justin. He loved me as long as I was a train ride away, waiting for him on my back, my legs spread wide, my hands ready for his shoulders and hips. I sometimes view our relationship through rose colored glasses, focusing on the bright moments of lust and love and ignoring what happened the afternoon we broke up.
    “I just can’t do the whole, long distance thing. I told you this!” he shouted.
    I slapped him, one fierce hand sharp across his face as I said, “Fuck you. This could’ve worked if you wanted it too.”
    “No, I don’t think we could,” Justin says, turning to his wife – his wife! – with a smile. “But that’s not something we have to worry about.”
    “It’s really not that big of a deal,” Neal says. “We both have vacation days --”
    “And I have the whole summer, of course,” I say. “Three months away from teaching, every year.”
    Neal glances down at me. “And when she is… teaching …I don’t mind flying to Baltimore on the weekends.”
    “Flying commercial is so exhausting,” Suzanne says, desperate to change the conversation.
    “Well, good thing Neal doesn’t have to worry about that. He has access to the company jet.” I remember my father was always ranting about it. Lee Geon and his damn fleet of planes. Four company jets at the disposal of their high ranking employees.
    Neal laughs and looks down at me. “Those are only supposed to be for company trips,” he whispers, loud enough for Suzanne and Justin to hear him. He kisses me again, this time quickly but I’m still willingly suffocated by his body heat.
    Suzanne grins a little harder. “I wish I would’ve known,” she says to Neal. “I would’ve invited you both to the wedding.” She pushes her hair behind her ear, blatantly flashing her ring. Did you know I was married? Have you forgotten? Let me remind you.
    Neal holds out his hand.