genus Digitalis producing bell-shaped, typically purple flowers.
Digitalin : the pharmacologically active ingredient of digitalis.
Digitalis : very toxic drug prepared from the dried leaves of the foxglove. A heart stimulant.
Digitalise : to administer digitalis to a patient.
Digitise : to convert data into digital form.
Data : information.
Fact : a truth, reality.
Fiction : falsehood, invention, romance.
PART TWO
Confusions of a Crimson Fish
Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
—Macbeth Act 2, scene 3 .
*
Anyone who isn't confused
doesn't understand the situation.
—Ed Murrow (1908–65), on the Vietnam War.
6
I thought when they finally discharged me that I'd be okay. That all those fictional people, viz., the Cybernurse, Ffion and Martin would disappear and I could win back Belinda to lead a normal life.
Wrong again, buddies.
Have you ever noticed how un straightforward life is?
Okay, I'm going to tell you the rest of the story without any exaggeration or embellishment this time. I will not substitute the real for the fictitious or vice versa.
I was real, Belinda was real. That's all I needed to hang on to. And by the time they'd cleansed all my paths—physical and mental—that idea was clear. I walked out of the place a new person, with CERTITUDE.
But at that point it all began to fracture because as I emerged there was the Americar. And who was behind the wheel?
Martin.
I thought of turning back but faced the fear and walked on.
'Tough time, mate?' he said.
His feet scarcely reached the pedals; he sat there in his well-cut suit over an open-necked shirt.
I sighed, then smiled: 'I'm okay, now.'
Martin flicked the ignition.
I wanted to say, 'How's Ffion?' but remembered, just in time, that she was not real. And anyway Martin got through chicks at such a rate that he'd have discarded half a dozen in the six months I'd been away.
He looked well-fed, prosperous. He favoured an automatic. Isn't that odd for a big-balled kind of guy? He had imported this one from America.
Martin drove assertively and at ease. As we turned into the main road and the sun hit the windscreen he lowered his visor; I lowered mine too. I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew it.
He'd been keeping an eye on my place while I'd been away.
'I've got to tell you, Charlie, that I've been using your gaff to spread the mustard.'
I smiled.
'I mean, you don't drop biggies on your own bandstand. Do you?'
I smiled again.
'I've had all your stuff laundered. No stretch or skid marks there.'
This was a brittle relationship: Martin would have to go .
'Everything's gonna be okay,' said Martin. 'Got a feeling everything'll turn out just fine.'
'And my life will become clearer, Martin?'
His eyes remained on the road, his expression unchanged:
'It'll all become clear.' He paused. 'In the end.' He corrected himself: ' At the end.'
I smiled, happy to be driven by him.
'Still writing?' he said.
'I make a few notes, jottings. Just thoughts, only ideas. They encouraged it—in there.'
' "Write it all down, Mr Smith." ? "Let it all out, Mr Jones." ? "Don't hold back, Mr Brown." ?'
'Close enough.' Had he ever been inside that place himself and not told me?
'Got a surprise for you at home,' he said.
I crinkled my brow.
He turned. 'Just a few friends.'
We stopped for petrol. The price of gas had shot up during my absence. Martin flashed his Aristocard: he was a founding cardholder.
As we continued on our way Martin said,
'Any tasty talent in there?'
I thought of Cybernurse but wanted to keep the memory of her special, yet couldn't resist the urge to boast:
'Yes,' I said. 'There was a nurse on the late shift with a vigorous bush who slipped between my sheets one night. Climbed in starkers. We did the biz there and then and while all the others groaned in their sleep we groaned with pleasure.'
'Knockout, mate.' He was silent for a while