easy to be together, to be sharing something simple.
Life could be simple, and there were times when it had been. Last autumn had been one of those times. They had both loved autumn, when the leaves began to change and the world in which they lived prepared for winter. They'd walked for miles together through the streets of the city. She could almost feel the weight of his hand in hers, and hear the sound of brittle leaves beneath their feet.
It was like a residual haunting, the sounds and sensations playing again and again in her memory. She remembered their conversations, the debates they'd had, each of them armed with intellect and a desire to be right. Often they'd fought, but afterward they'd laughed. They had shared something beautiful. Two hopelessly flawed beings came together in a symphony of idiosyncrasies.
There was one memory, so strong, that it wouldn't surprise her if it was the last thought she had when she lay old and dying. They'd been sitting in Central Park on a cloudy afternoon the previous summer when for one brief moment the clouds parted and a single ray of sunshine had been released. She'd been toiling over The New York Times crossword. He'd been reading The Post and drinking coffee. It was something they loved to do. They'd been sitting together on a bench, the way they always did. He lounged with one leg casually crossed over the other. She sat by his side, close enough to feel him beside her. They'd each been lost in their thoughts and had both looked up when the sun finally broke free. He'd leaned over and pressed his lips to her cheek, the kiss so soft she'd barely felt it. She'd smiled at him, and he at her, and he'd looked at her for a long moment.
“ What?” she'd asked, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“ I'm taking a picture,” he said, and she'd arched a brow at him.
“ A picture of what?”
“ A picture of us. I want to remember sitting here with you on an ordinary day. I want to remember how much I love you right now at this moment.”
She'd looked at him, before pressing her lips to his, and at that moment her heart had captured a photo of its own, an image of two lovers who had paused long enough on an ordinary day to recognize an extraordinary love.
“ I love you,” she'd whispered, and suddenly the clouds rejoined and the sun disappeared.
She would never forget that day, that moment, the sun on his face, the soft touch of his lips on hers, and the words she would carry forever in her heart. She stood for a long time staring out at the world, a world that looked less inviting because she faced it without him. Tears ran down her face as she opened her heart and felt the pain of losing him once again.
“ Cate?” Rita asked, her voice thick with sleep. “You okay, baby?”
Caitlin turned her tear-streaked face away from the window and sighed deeply. “I'm trying to find a way to be,” she said softly, not quite meeting her mother's eyes.
“ You'll find your way,” Rita said softly.
“ I'm not sure this time. I don't know if I can find my way without him. I need him, Mom. I don't know how to survive without him,” Caitlin replied, her tears falling steadily.
“ You need to tell him that, Caitlin. Did you call him?” Rita asked softly, and only then did Caitlin look at her.
“ I can't. I'm not ready.”
“ He needs to know.”
“ I'll call him soon,” Caitlin said, turning to look out the window again.
She said a silent prayer of gratitude for the miracle of her children. Before she turned away, she asked God for the strength to face the man she knew she would always love. She wanted Colin to know his children, to love his children, but part of her wasn't sure how to exist in a world where he loved the twins, but not her.
“ Mom?” Caitlin said, shuffling slowly back to the bed.
“ What is it, honey?”
“ What am I going to do?” Caitlin asked.
“ I don't know, Cate. It's something you have to figure out for