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term?
    2. What did it cost me in time, energy, money and health and vitality?
    3. Did it bring me closer to a rich, full and meaningful life?
    You probably discovered four things while doing this exercise:
    1. You’ve put a lot of time and effort into trying to change, get rid of or escape from unpleasant thoughts and feelings.
    2. Most of the control strategies you’ve tried have not lessened your painful thoughts and feelings in the long term.
    3. Many of these control strategies have taken a toll.
    4. Many of these control strategies have actually taken you further away from the life you would ideally like to have.
    Feeling a bit dazed, confused or disturbed? If so ... good! This is a major shift in your reality, one that challenges many deeply entrenched beliefs. Strong reactions are quite normal.
    Of course, if your control strategies have not had significant costs, or if they have brought you closer to the life you want, then they are not problematic and we don’t need to focus on them. In ACT we are only concerned about the control strategies that put a drag on your quality of life in the long run.
    ‘Wait a moment,’ I hear you say. ‘Why haven’t you talked about things like giving to charity, or working diligently, or caring for your friends? Isn’t giving to others supposed to make people happy?’ Good point. Bear in mind that it’s not just the things you do that matter; it’s also your motivation for doing them. If you’re giving to charity to push away thoughts that you’re selfish, or you’re throwing yourself into work to avoid feelings of inadequacy, or you’re caring for your friends to counteract fears of rejection, then chances are, you won’t get much satisfaction out of those activities. Why not? Because when your primary motivation is the avoidance of unpleasant thoughts and feelings, this drains the joy and vitality from what you are doing. For example, recall the last time you ate something rich and tasty to try to stop feeling stressed, or bored, or unhappy. Chances are, it wasn’t all that satisfying. However, did you ever eat that very same food, not to get rid of bad feelings, but purely and simply to enjoy it and appreciate its taste? I bet you found that much more fulfilling.
    Great advice about how to improve your life comes at you from all directions: find a meaningful job, do this great workout, connect with friends and family, get out in nature, take up a hobby, join a club, contribute to a charity, learn new skills, get involved in your community and so on. And all these activities can be deeply satisfying if you do them because they are genuinely important and meaningful to you. But if these activities are used mainly to dodge unpleasant thoughts and feelings, chances are, they won’t be very rewarding. It’s hard to appreciate life when you’re running away from something threatening.
    Remember Michelle, who seems to have everything she wants in life and yet she’s not happy? Michelle’s life is driven by avoiding feelings of unworthiness. She is plagued by thoughts like, ‘I’m a lousy wife’, ‘Why am I so inadequate?’ and ‘Nobody likes me’, along with all the accompanying feelings of guilt, anxiety, frustration and disappointment.
    Michelle works hard to make those thoughts and feelings go away. She pushes herself to excel at her job, frequently working late to accommodate others; she dotes on her husband and kids and caters to their every whim; she tries to please everyone in her life, always putting their needs in front of her own. The toll this takes on her is enormous. And does it get rid of those upsetting thoughts and feelings? You guessed it. By continually putting herself last and working so hard to win others’ approval, she merely reinforces her sense of unworthiness. She is well and truly stuck in the happiness trap.
How Do I Escape The Happiness Trap?
    Increasing your self-awareness is the first step. Notice all the little things you do each