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would jump in and finish his fight. He would “sting like a bee.” But he never actively resisted his opponent early in a fight. Nonresistance was his neutral, successful position.
    Former Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger was one of the greatest negotiators of all time because no one could come up with a position that would offend him. No one could upset him. No one could put him on the defensive. He was always willing to understand the other side’s position, so they could almost always find a whole-system solution that would in some way work for both of them.
    Duane Black has been a master negotiator for land acquisitions for many years. He says, “When you’re negotiating with someone and you find things that they have to have, that they just can’t live without, you can get so much in return on your side of the equation by giving them those things, it’samazing. And that happens a lot. Sometimes people will have a particular hot button, and if they can get that, they’ll give you everything else.”
    A skilled hands-off negotiator never has to make a deal happen. He never gets so attached to a particular outcome that he can’t move to the idea of higher opportunity. He can always push back from the table and say, “Gee, I would have loved for this to work but I can see it’s probably not going to work in a way that will serve both of us, so I’m happy to just take a step back.”
    Back to neutral, the position with all power. Back to where it doesn’t matter if it “works out.”
    “And it will amaze you how people will respond to that power,” says Duane. “How people are drawn to the fact that you might want them but you don’t need them.”
    Remember high school? The most interesting young women seemed to prefer the guys who could take them or leave them. And the needy guys who were desperate to have them, who couldn’t live without them? The young women didn’t want anything to do with them.
    As human beings, we’re not attracted to needy relationships. We don’t want to be involved with someone who needs us desperately. Needy feels creepy, which is why stalking is a crime.
    The other person’s neediness takes a part of us away. It becomes a mechanism of control, and we don’t want to be controlled. We want to be free. That’s our very nature.
    The neutral perspective allows the best possible outcome for both parties to emerge. There’s no forcing. And even though you’re always drawing attention back to the benefits of the direction you would prefer to see things go, you’re also open-minded. If the other side has a new idea about a different direction that you hadn’t thought of, you can shift right along with it. Smoothly, without resistance. Because you have no position to defend. You’re not attached to any particular outcome, except for the higher good.
    That’s the power of hands-off neutrality.
    Steps to hands-off success in your life
    Three action steps to take after reading this chapter:
1. The next time you are negotiating with someone in the workplace, give yourself time in advance to enter the world of “neutral.”
2. Actually write down all the good things that might come from this negotiation not resulting in a “win” for you. Get comfortable with the “worst thing that can happen” so that you lose all sense of needing this to go a certain way.
3. Schedule three meetings with people in your organization with whom you have not had the easiest time talking (people you don’t like). Then have a no-agenda meeting with each of them in which your position on everything will be neutral. No position. You will be there to listen and learn and be taught by the greatest teachers you will ever have. The people you like are not your best teachers, and by valuing neutrality, you’ll learn this.

CHAPTER FOUR
USING FOCUS AND INTENTION
The universe always gives you more of what you are focusing on.
    —Alan Cohen
    I met with Kyle in his penthouse office overlooking Atlanta