Read The Habit of Art: A Play for Free Online

you’ve cut the poem.
    Kay We had a little talk about it…
    Author Oh, a little talk? How did it go, this little talk? One of those ‘how do we take the curse off this bit’ little talks? One of the ‘the author is his own worst enemy’ talks? Directing a matter of rescuing the author from the consequences of his folly. Plays, they don’t so much go into production as into intensive care. You none of you understand how it works. Yes, it’s about Auden, and yes it’s about Britten. But it’s also about the boy.
    Donald And it’s also about me.
    Author It’s like chimpanzees meddling with a watch.
    Fitz Charming.
    Author Can I reach him in Leeds?
    Kay His phone’s off. I’ve tried.
    Author Very convenient.
    Fitz ( aside ) Kay, I would like to get on. I’ve got a voice-over at six.
    Henry What for?
    Fitz Tesco. First of eight, apparently.
    Henry Lucky you.
    All this aside, but sensed by the unhappy Author.
    ASM ( prompting ) ‘You should go…’
    Auden You should go. I’m thinking of the time.
    Carpenter ( teasingly ) I know.
    ‘Without a watch
    he would never know when
    to feel hungry or horny.’
    Auden ( interrupting ) Do you mind not doing that? You should not quote a poet’s words back at him. It is a betrayal of trust. A poem is a confidence. Besides which many of my poems embarrass me. They don’t seem – Dr Leavis’s word – authentic.
    People tell me off for censoring my poems, rewriting them, or cutting some well-loved lines. I tell them it’s because I can no longer endorse those particular sentiments, but it’s also because I’m fed up with hearing them quoted. ( Ironically ) ‘We must love one another or die.’ ( Shudders. )
    In the end art is small beer. The really serious things in life are earning one’s living and loving one’s neighbour.
    He farts.
    Fitz That’s Auden farting, not me.
    Auden What did you say your name was?
    Carpenter Carpenter.
    Auden Another son of a bishop: Field Marshal Montgomery.
    Stuart should have shown earlier signs of impatience, getting up, say, when he thinks Carpenter is leaving.
    Stuart Look, mate. I know these university gentlemen. This one’s too polite to say, but he shows all the signs of not wanting you here. A more sensitive man would long since have gone for a curry.
    Carpenter You don’t even know who he is.
    Stuart I know this much. He’s a client. And I’ve got a schedule same as you. I’d go.
    Carpenter I’ve gone.
    Britten at piano with Boy, who sings “The Ash Grove.”
    Britten ( over music ) Quite a sprightly start, not too heavy. Lots of words, please, think what they mean. Lovely!
    Music ends.
    Carpenter Ordering up a youth in those pre-mobile days was not as easy as it is now when the talent can be pictured and indeed sized up on the screen. Then, though, there were no trailers or forthcoming attractions, the thrill of not knowing what you were going to find on your doorstep undiminished by an electronic preview.
    But not for Auden. For Auden the thrill was largely over. For him time was what mattered; the best thing about rent boys that they came by appointment. Sex on the dot.
    Carpenter should not leave the stage.
    Stuart So you don’t want the massage?
    Auden No.
    Stuart And you don’t want relief?
    Auden No.
    Stuart And, have I got this right, you suck my dick? I don’t have to suck yours?
    Auden That is correct.
    Stuart Because it’s usually the other way round.
    Auden True. But with me the other has always been the preferred option. Weaned too soon, I suspect. Or the tongue speaks the body. ( As Fitz, to Author. ) What does that mean, author?
    Author It’s a quotation.
    Fitz All I need to know.
    Stuart How do you want to do it?
    Auden How do you usually do it?
    Stuart I don’t. I’m normally doing the sucking, in which case I kneel. Can you kneel?
    Auden It’s maybe not a good idea. This is England all over. Hasn’t even mastered fellatio.
    Stuart Are you sure this is what you want to do? I’d be happy with a