The Great Psychedelic Armadillo Picnic

Read The Great Psychedelic Armadillo Picnic for Free Online

Book: Read The Great Psychedelic Armadillo Picnic for Free Online
Authors: Kinky Friedman
Tags: Fiction
the restaurants (and people) I liked in Austin went belly-up about twenty-five years ago, but here are twelve places where you can’t possibly go wrong. I list them, to paraphrase my father, in a random and haphazard order.
    HILL’S CAFÉ. Bob Cole’s re-creation of what was once a great restaurant and is now even better. Great food, great music, great old Austin ambiance. Best big hairy steaks in town. (South Congress Avenue)
    THE TEXICALLI. Owned and operated by the unsinkable Danny Roy Young, unofficial mayor of South Austin. Killer-bee hamburgers, jukebox, and vintage Austin art (Check out Guy Juke’s poster of John McCall’s ’56 Chevy. It’s on the ceiling.) Don’t leave without trying the Dr. Pepper Milkshake. (East Oltorf )
    CISCO’S. Rudy Cisnero’s old place, serving the best Mexican breakfasts in Austin. Note the pic of me and Willie on your way to the dumper. (East Sixth Street)
    SAM’S BARBECUE. There are more terrific barbecue places in Austin than crossties on a railroad or stars in the sky, but Sam’s brisket is the best in the world. (2000 East 12th Street)
    THREADGILL’S RESTAURANT. Previously extolled, but worth mentioning again. A must for out-of-state visitors who want to get their hip cards punched. Try the fried green tomatoes. (Riverside Drive)
    LAS MANITAS. The place to have breakfast with Austin’s social, cultural, and political elite. To paraphrase my father, it’s always a successful excursion when you see someone more important than you. A great photo of Austin favorite James McMurtry hangs over the counter. (Congress Avenue at Third)
    TOP NOTCH. Tom Friedman’s favorite hamburger place. Mine, too. (Burnet Road)
    TIEN HONG. Best Chinese restaurant in Austin. Try dim sum on Saturdays and Sundays.
Dim sum,
by the way, means “to touch the heart lightly.” (Burnet Road near 183)
    EL PATIO. Been there forever, and it’s still right up there at the top. In the fifties, before he made it big, Elvis took my friend Kara’s mother here on a date. He drove her to the restaurant in a lavender Cadillac. When they walked into the place, they had to pass by a table full of frat daddies. “Hey, look!” somebody shouted. “It’s Fats Domino.” (Guadalupe and 29th Street)
    NIGHT HAWK FRISCO SHOP. Everything I said about it is true. Believe what I tell you. Mandatory. (Burnet Road at Koenig)
    KATZ’S DELI. Like I said, the best Jew-food in town. Not to be missed at any hour of the day or night. (Sixth Street)
    JOVITA’S. Eat killer-bee enchiladas, and on Thursday nights see and hear one of the finest country bands in the world, the Cornell Hurd Band. (South First Street)

Famous Austinites
    WILLIE NELSON
    IN THE INTRODUCTION TO THIS GUIDEBOOK, I WROTE, “In Austin they say when you die, you go to Willie Nelson’s house.” Well, good news, folks. You don’t necessarily have to croak in order to go to Willie’s place. Trust me, there are easier ways. Let’s say you’re a German tourist or a rising young urologist from Teaneck, New Jersey. You’ve heard good things about Austin, and you’re down here for your first visit. You love Willie, but you’ve never met him. With all of the phases and stages of his life and lifestyle, how can you be sure when you meet him that it’s really Willie? That one’s easy. He looks like Jesus Christ on a bad-hair day.
    How to find Willie’s place? Well, I can’t wrap your lunch in a roadmap for you, but it’s on the outskirts of town. Follow Highway 71. It’s called Briarcliff. Everybody knows where it is. If you get lost, you can ask the guy standing by the side of the road with the sign that says, “Need Fuel for Learjet.”
    You won’t find Willie in any house, though; he’ll either be playing golf or in his bus. If he’s in his bus, it could pose a problem. He has three buses. One’s for

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