The truth was, I still couldnât look myself in the mirror.
Iâd caved.
And soon Iâd be the laughingstock of the town. I started to think perhaps this might be a small glimpse of how the virgin Mary had felt, holding in a secret, waiting for the town to suggest sheâd lost her mind as well as her morals. Not that Iâd had any heavenly visitors declaring my sacrifice a divine plan, but in my small way, I hoped to be an example. A servant. Someone who extended her handâor rather, her finâfor others.
I sipped my coffee, a raspberry chocolate mix from the newest gift shop in town. Why arenât those brews ever as good as they smell?
I put down my cup, making a face. âLet me get this out into the open. I like hospitality. I think itâs a good thing. Iâve made coffee cake for after-service fellowship three times a year for the last fifteen years. Iâve faithfully supplied my tuna casserole to the church potlucks every quarter. Itâs just that I donât have any desire to command a troupe that doesnât need a leader. Gretchen and her gang have run the Christmas Tea since the early 1900s. Itâs the same thing every yearâJane plays a few hymns; we have a reading and then the buffet of Swedish meatballs, lefse, Jell-O salad, bread pudding, and Russian tea cakes. Everyone loves it, and my policy is, if it ainât broke, donât fix it.â
âBut what if it is broke?â Mike sipped his coffee, looking at me over the rim. âWhat if God has bigger plans for you, and the tea, this year?â
âHave you and He had a conversation about Gretchenâs meatballs?â I stood, grabbed a broom, and started on the floor.
Silence bled into my sweeping.
âWhat if we have?â
I stopped, looked at Mike, whoâd turned away and stared at his reflection in the dark window. A dusting of snow from the roof blew across the porch light as the wind kicked up.
âOkay, I have a confession to make. I thought you needed something to spice up your life, so I . . .â He turned toward me, and his expression mirrored the time heâd backed my car into the trailer, leaving a hefty dent. âI volunteered you for the position.â
His words went through me slowly. In nearly thirty years of marriage, Mike had never volunteered me for anything. Not a carpool, not a shift on dispatch, not a teaching position at VBS. Even when he served as an elder in our church, heâd refrained from suggesting anything that might take my time away from our family.
âIâm sorry; I didnât hear you.â
Mike set down his coffee. âThis stuff is awful. Please donât buy it again.â
I took his cup, tossing the contents into the sink. âRepeat yourself.â
âI hate the coffeeââ
âVery funny.â
He sighed. âOkay, Iâve been watching you. And since the kids left, you seem . . . busy. But not yourself. I know you miss them, and I thought maybe using your incredible ability to get the job done for good in the church would help both you and our congregation. I thought you needed a change.â
I hadnât missed his use of the word incredible . But IÂ narrowed my eyes at him.
He swallowed. âThe thing is, itâs not about the fact that you make amazing cookies. Or have always organized this family like a drill sergeant.â
âI know you mean that in the nicest of ways.â
âItâs that maybe God has something in store for you this year. I donât know what it is, but I just . . . well, I wanted to help.â
I had no words for that. There were times in our marriage when I didnât understand Mike. Like the time he took up wood carving and made us a homemade headboard. Or constructed a remote-control airplane from scratch, crashing it on its maiden flight. Or even invested in exotic fish, finally filleting them and serving them up