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time of my life."
    And, in good sooth, the mere welcome which awaited Schweik in the asylum, when they took him there from the central criminal court for observation, far exceeded anything he had expected. First of all they stripped him naked, then they gave him a sort of dressing gown and took him to have a bath, catching hold of him familiarly by the arm, during which process one of the keepers entertained him by narrating anecdotes about Jews. In the bathroom they immersed him in a tub of warm water and then pulled him out and placed him under a cold douche. They repeated this three times and then asked him whether he liked it. Schweik said that it was better than the public baths near the Charles Bridge and that he was very fond of bathing. "If you'll
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    only just clip my nails and hair, I'll be as happy as can be," he added, smiling affably.
    They complied with this request and when they had thoroughly rubbed him down with a sponge, they wrapped him up in a sheet and carried him off into ward No. I to bed, where they laid him down, covered him over with a quilt, and told him to go to sleep.
    Schweik still tells the story with delight : "Just imagine, they carried me, actually carried me along. It was a fair treat for me."
    And so he blissfully fell asleep on the bed. Then they woke him up to give him a basin of milk and a roll. The roll was already cut up into little pieces and while one of the keepers held Schweik's hands, the other dipped the bits of roll into milk and fed him as poultry is fed with clots of dough for fattening. After he had gone to sleep again, they woke him up and took him to the observation ward where Schweik, standing stark naked before two doctors, was reminded of the glorious time when he joined the army. Almost involuntarily he let fall the word :
    "Tauglich ." 1
    "What's that you're saying?" remarked one of the doctors. "Take five paces forward and five paces to the rear."
    Schweik took ten paces.
    "I told you," said the doctor, "to take five."
    "A few paces more or less don't matter to me," said Schweik.
    Thereupon the doctors ordered him to sit on a chair and one of them tapped him on the knee. He then told the other one that the reflexes were quite normal, whereat the other wagged his head and he in his turn began to tap Schweik on the knee, while the first one lifted Schweik's eyelids and examined his pupils. Then they went off to a table and bandied some Latin phrases.
    "Can you sing?" one of them asked Schweik. "Couldn't you sing us a song?"
    "Why, with pleasure, gentlemen," replied Schweik. "I'm afraid I haven't got much of a voice or what you'd call an ear for music, but I'll do what I can to please you, if you want a little amusement."
    1 "Fit."
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    And he struck up :
    "O the monk in the armchair yonder, In his hand he bows his head, And upon his pallid visage, Two bitter, glowing tears are shed.
    "That's all I know," continued Schweik, "but if you like I'll sing you this :
    "My heart is brimming o'er with sadness, My bosom surges with despair, Mutely I sit and afar I gaze: My yearning's afar, it is there, it is there.
    "And that's all I know of that one, too," sighed Schweik. "But besides that I know the first verse of 'Where Is My Home?' and 'General Windischgratz and All His Commanders Started the Battle at the Break of Day' and a few of the old popular favourites like 'Lord Preserve Us' and 'Hail We Greet Thee with Thousand Greetings'. . ."
    The two doctors looked at each other and one of them asked Schweik :
    "Has the state of your mind ever been examined?"
    "In the army," replied Schweik solemnly and proudly, "the military doctors officially reported me as feeble-minded."
    "It strikes me that you're a malingerer," shouted one of the doctors.
    "Me, gentleman?" said Schweik deprecatingly. "No, I'm no malingerer, I'm feeble-minded, fair and square. You ask them in the orderly room of the 91st regiment or at the reserve headquarters in Karlin."
    The elder of the two doctors waved