Read The Girl With No Past for Free Online

away I didn’t feel clear. I decided to head across the bridge to East Putney station to give me time to shake off the conversation Dr Redfield and I had just had; it had left a bitter taste in my mouth.
    Stopping on Putney Bridge, I leaned against the railing, watching the boats glide past on the Thames. If such a place existed, then this was my safe place. When I had first moved to London, it had taken me a long time to adjust, but coming here always comforted me. It felt like being in the middle of everywhere, surrounded by hundreds of people, but still somehow invisible.
    Droplets of rain began to fall as I stood there so I didn’t stay for long. I only had the morning off work, and needed to get some food before I started. I’d told Sam I had a doctor’s appointment, which was true, she just didn’t need to know what kind of doctor it was with. Walking off, I wished getting drenched with rain was all I had to worry about.
    I passed many people as I walked, but the only ones I noticed were those clutching each other’s hands, or wandering along with arms wrapped around each other, oblivious to the rain. I tried to imagine being part of a pair, attached so firmly to someone that their life was entwined with mine, but I struggled to picture it. There would always be a shadow over me, and it could only be made worse by someone being part of my life.
    Yet somehow when I thought of Julian, I couldn’t, or didn’t want to, address any of that. Going with the flow, people called it. That’s what I would do. It didn’t matter if nothing came of it, I would just enjoy talking to him. Even if there was a cyber wall, as well as many others, between us.
    Thinking of Julian – as strange as it seemed considering I barely knew him – helped me put the morning with Dr Redfield behind me, and by the time I stepped off the train at Wandsworth Town, I felt better.
    I still had half an hour until I was due at work, so I stopped at the café by the library and ordered a ham and cheese ciabatta and a hot chocolate to warm me up. It wasn’t too busy that morning so I didn’t feel the need to flee. I pulled out Rebecca and read in peace until my phone beeped, alerting me that it was time to get to work. I always had to set the alarm if I read before work, otherwise I’d find hours had passed without me once glancing up.
    I might have loved my job but all afternoon I was once again impatient to get home, to see if Julian was around. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be difficult to talk to him again, that I’d find things to say, that he’d make me feel comfortable. I don’t know what made me so certain of this but it felt as if I knew him already.

    It was nearly half past nine by the time I’d finished visiting the care home and the minute I was through my door I wasted no time logging on to the website. Once again, my stomach growled in protest at my neglect, but I ignored it and didn’t even get myself a drink, although my throat was parched. Deviating from my routine was starting to become a habit. But I soon discovered there was no message from Julian, and no alert inviting me to a private chat. Disappointed, I shut my laptop and decided to distract myself by making some food. I couldn’t help thinking life had been simpler before Julian. Before there was anything to be disappointed about.
    I enjoyed the ritual of cooking, the carefully planned steps that, if followed precisely, meant nothing would go wrong, nothing should change course or throw anything unexpected at me.
    Dr Redfield had talked about this once. About how I needed structure and ritual because I was scared of the unexpected. She was right.
    But tonight I didn’t feel like cooking, so I foraged in the cupboard and found a packet of Uncle Ben’s egg fried rice.
    While it was in the microwave, I had a few minutes to spare so, with Dr Redfield’s words from earlier today swimming around my head, I picked up the phone to call Mum. She probably wouldn’t be