Read The Girl on the Outside for Free Online

it’s worth the worry. Like now I’m worried ’bout ’im at the store by hisself.”
    The talk reminded Eva of her conversation with Cecil. Just as her father believed integration could bring equality, Cecil believed integration could cause more trouble than it was worth. He was for going to all-Negro schools that were as well-equipped as whites’. His plans were in motion to go to Howard University or Morehouse College when he graduated. She wished there was some way she could change his mind about going to Chatman.
    How would she manage, not seeing Cecil every day? She recalled the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” The way all the girls made eyes over Cecil, his heart could grow fonder, but for somebody else. What with all the talk about bombs and the thought of losing Cecil, she wondered if she would have signed if she had known then what she knew now?
    She finished pinning the skirt and started in on the dress top using solid white cotton. She sighed, thinking somebody has to integrate schools sooner or later. Might as well be me now . Would it really make the difference her mother and Cecil thought it would? I’ll show them, she vowed to herself. I’ll not let going to Chatman swell my head and make me forget who I am.
    Finally, all the dress pattern pieces were placed on the cloth. She called, “Ma, come check this before I start cutting, please.”
    Her mother looked at the layout. “Eva, I don’t think your skirt front is on the straight of that cloth.” Her mother quickly measured from the arrow printed on the pattern out to the edge of the material. “No, no, no! Unpin this. Do it right.”
    â€œAw, Mama,” Eva cried.
    â€œDon’t y’ want that skirt t’ hang right?”
    â€œIt’ll hang all right. I don’t wanta do all that over.”
    â€œListen, I won’t have y’ showin’ up at Chatman lookin’ tacky. Now, y’ do it the way I showed y’.”
    By the time the checkered skirt and the white bodice for the dress were cut out, the children had deserted the street, neighbors were settled for the night. Eva, feeling drained from the heat, started on the tedious work of basting. If only she had more time.
    Her mother’s friends departed and her mother went to bed. The house creaked in the silence. The cuckoo clock on the wall ticked loudly and Eva wondered when her father would be coming home from the store.
    The lone saxophone player started in again. Eva felt the loneliness in his music as she basted the pieces together. The clock struck eleven. Why doesn’t he come, she asked herself.
    At last she heard her father’s footsteps moving fast, almost running up the walk. He burst into the room and Eva was frightened by the look on his face.
    â€œTurn off the light,” he said sharply as he closed the door and pulled the blinds.
    â€œWhat is it, Daddy?” Eva cried.
    Her father did not answer, but went on through to the back of the house. Eva followed in the dark. Her father rushed back up front and peeped through the blinds. “There a lotta cars in the streets. All with outta state licenses. I was followed by a carload from Mis’sippi,” her father whispered as Eva came back up front.
    The clack-up, clack-up of her father loading his shotgun made a weird sound in the darkness. Eva’s heart beat wildly with fear.
    â€œWhere’s y’ mama?” her father whispered.
    â€œShe’s sleep. Should I get her?”
    â€œNo. Everything’s all right.”
    They listened in the dark. The long shotgun lay menacingly across her father’s knees.
    Finally, her father said, “You go on t’ bed, now.”
    â€œLemme stay with you, Daddy,” she pleaded.
    â€œDo what I tell y’, now,” her father whispered firmly.
    Eva lay in her bed listening to the sounds of the night. The sound of cars in the distance alerted