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the old man said, “Voodoo Penis, return to box!” The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
    “I’ll take it!” said the businessman.
    The old man resisted, saying it wasn’t for sale, but finally surrendered to $500.
    The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it all she had to do was say “Voodoo Penis, my crotch.”
    He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he’d been gone a few days, his wife was getting unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis. She stripped off, opened the box and said, “Voodoo Penis, my crotch!”
    The Voodoo Penis shot into her and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
    Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A traffic policeman saw this and immediately pulled her over.
    He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!”
    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and said, “Voodoo Penis? Voodoo Penis, my ass...”

    Q. Did you hear about the new paint called “Blonde” paint?
    A. It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.

    Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents’ room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, “Hey, Dad, what are you doing?”
    The dad answered, “Playing Cards.”
    Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?”
    The dad answered, “Your mom.”
    Little Johnny then passed by his older sister’s room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, “Hey, Sis, what are you doing?”
    The sister answered, “Playing Cards.”
    Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?”
    She answered, “My boyfriend.”
    A little later, dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny’s room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, “What are you doing?”
    Little Johnny answered, “Playing Cards.”
    Dad asked, “Really? Who’s your partner?”
    Little Johnny answered, “You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand!”

    There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman’s face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin. However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
    The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!
    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
    She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he had done. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!”
    He replied, “Oh don’t worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!”

    Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
    A. Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using