entertained me with tales of his family, which is huge: he has three sisters and two brothers. How I laughed when he told me of the mischief they all got into. He is very lucky, although he thought not and said he was so glad to escape from them when he got his job working here.
There was just mother and me until she died and she was always so busy we never got to spend much time together. I miss her so much and I often wonder what it would have been like not to have been an only child. I like Alfie very much. He is such a good friend to me. He has the palest blue eyes, which crinkle when he laughs, and a head full of wavy, blonde hair.
By the time we had cleaned the last grate we looked like a pair of chimney sweeps and Cook ordered us to get washed and changed before her Ladyship caught sight of the pair of us and screamed with fright. Alfie nudged me in the side and we dashed up the servants stairs up to our quarters. Edward must have come back early because he was stood loitering at the top of the stairs and he glared at Alfie who put his head down and excused himself. I continued walking up the stairs afraid that he would follow me but he didn’t. I have no idea why he would be waiting around on our cramped staircase when he has the grand staircase at the front of the house to go up and down on. I have a horrible feeling that he was spying on me but maybe I am just being foolish.
12 th April 1887
The house was empty this evening. Lord and Lady Heaton have gone to a party and we have all been given the night off. Cook and Millie have gone to visit old Mrs Blackley, who is very poorly. She used to work here before her retirement. Harold has taken them in the horse and trap and then he is going to meet Alfie at the tavern for a while before picking them back up again.
Alfie asked me if I wanted to go but the tavern is not the most suitable place for a young lady. I would be frowned upon by all within if I set foot in there. Cook wanted me to go with her and Millie but I could not face another dying person so soon after my own mother. I told her I felt ill and wanted to retire early. I ran up the grand staircase to turn her Ladyship’s bed down and passed Edward on the first floor landing. He looked so dashing and handsome dressed in his best to go to the dance. He stared at me with his cold, black eyes but he carried on walking and I lowered my head. He ran along to the stairs and I found myself watching him through the balustrade, he looked up to where I was standing and fixed his cold eyes on me. My heart missed a beat and I was so scared because I remembered there was only me and him left in the house. He then lifted his hand to his lips and blew me a kiss. I was so horrified that I ran straight up to my room and shut the door, my cheeks burning bright with shame and, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I felt something other than hatred towards him because my stomach churned with butterflies at the thought of him blowing me a kiss.
It is my birthday tomorrow and I will be sixteen years old. I was nine when I first came to this house with my mother when she was offered the position of housekeeper. Tomorrow I will have no one to celebrate it with but it does not matter. I must remember I could be in a much worse place than Abbey Wood.
13 th April 1887
I was awakened in the night by a stifled scream from outside my bedroom window. I got out of bed to look and see where it had come from. In the darkness I could make out two figures under the huge oak tree. I recognised Edward immediately. All the years I have spent hiding from him, I would know his silhouette anywhere. The other was a girl and I watched horrified as he pushed her to the ground, her petticoats and skirts tangled beneath her. I watched Edward lift his hand and strike her cruelly across the face and I whimpered out loud. He straddled her and turned to look directly up at my small attic bedroom window. I am positive he was smiling, as if he knew I was